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17th Feb 2016

Seriously, What Is Victoria’s Secret?

Victoria has never been to Coppers.

Victoria’s Secret is reportedly coming to Dublin.

That’s all well and good because fancy knickers are great. But it’s high time we find out what actually IS Victoria’s Secret?

I’ve come up with some possible explanations.

1. Victoria is in love with her stepbrother.

2. Victoria stuffs her (fancy) bra with tissues.

3. Victoria lied about kissing a boy on holidays in Spain when she was 13.

4. Victoria pretended her debs dress was shipped over from New York but she actually got it in Pamela Scott.

5. Victoria told the waiter she hadn’t eaten in Nandos before, but she had. She just wanted him to explain the entire process because she’s a little wagon.

Waiter giving menu young couple in restaurant

6. Victoria exaggerated her knowledge of Radiohead to impress a boy she fancied.

7. Victoria “forgot” to tip in every restaurant she’s been in for the last five years.

8. Victoria didn’t actually get 500 points in the Leaving Cert, she got 375.

9. Victoria sold her sister’s ID for €50, but told her she lost it.

10. Victoria said she went to the gym every day this week. In reality, she went once and then binge watched The Gilmore Girls whilst sobbing at Lorelai’s misfortune.

11. Victoria’s elaborate rose tattoo is a result of trying to cover up her Playboy Bunny tattoo.


12. Victoria has never been to Coppers.

13. Victoria copied off her friend’s Economics test in 5th year and somehow managed to win an outstanding achievement in Economics award.

14. Victoria is afraid of putting on boots that have been in the wardrobe for a long amount of time in case there’s spiders in there.

15. Victoria isn’t actually allergic to gluten.

16. Victoria knows Nadine Coyle’s true date of birth.

HOLLYWOOD - FEBRUARY 24: Singer Nadine Coyle attends the 16th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Academy Awards viewing party at the Pacific Design Center on February 24, 2008 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Stephen Shugerman/Getty Images)

17. Victoria prefers Michael Kors products to most people she knows.

18. Victoria never watched Making A Murderer, but that doesn’t stop her having in-depth conversations about Steven Avery’s innocence.

19. Victoria got a spray tan before she came home from her week in Bali.

20. Victoria’s Pandora bracelet is fake.

21. Victoria has a strong suspicion that her ex-boyfriend was in Crystal Swing.