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10th Aug 2018

The new ‘very sexy’ bikini trend that we’re pretty much terrified of

floss bikini

Chance of your vag falling out? Pretty high.

Look, we’re all for getting absolutely every inch of ourselves out when we’re at the beach or the pool or whatever.

Legs? Out.

Stomach? Out.

Boobs? Alllll the way out.

It’s a freeing scenario and if you’ve got it, flaunt it hun.

But there’s a new bikini trend on the scene as of late that we just cannot for the life of us get on board with… and it’s not because we don’t think it looks hot as f*ck.

It’s because who among us could truly trust ourselves to wear this kind of bikini out and about without the true risk of vaginal/vulva exposure?


A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on


Here’s a list of people who can successfully wear bikini bottoms like these and looks absolutely unreal: Kim Kardashian, Zara from Love Island, and Perrie Edwards.

… And here’s a list of people who would wear a bikini bottom such as this and have to keep checking to see if our bits were still intact inside the weird pouch-like material: us.

The trend has been described online as the ‘floss bikini’ due to the dental floss-like nature of its straps.

However, we take issue with this naming due to the fact that the floss bikini has and always will be related to your standard thong bikini where the floss, in that instance, goes up the butt.

In this case, the floss aspect is occurring at the sides of the bottoms on the hip area – and while this makes for some serious sexy viewing… we simply do not trust it.

For one, the flosses are so small and we are so cheap that realistically we’d buy the cheapest bikini and it would just snap right off our bodies the second we put it on.

And then there’s the question of coverage as we have mentioned above so, so many times.

Essentially, there is none. That little vaginal pouch is not big enough to hold our medium size vaginas, they would fall out, and we would be very stressed about it.

In conclusion, this bikini trend is indeed “very sexy” but it is not “very practical” and we are not jealous and bitter at all that Kim K looks so hot and we’d look like a group of slugs out for the day in the hot summer sun.

Nope, not bitter at all.