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07th Dec 2016

6 versions of yourself you always turn into at the work Christmas party

Ciara Knight

Work Christmas parties are hard work.

Firstly, you need to figure out the dress code. You don’t want to look too fancy or underdressed, but also it’s important for people to see that you have the ability to not look disgusting and stressed sometimes.

Once the dreaded outfit is nailed down, all you need to do is show up and do your absolute best not to make a holy show of yourself. It’s tricky, but it’s entirely possible.

Here’s 6 versions of yourself that might make an appearance at this year’s work Christmas party. Good luck!

1. Truth Bomb You

Something about the combination of alcohol and people you spend 9 hours with every day has triggered your truth bomb mode. She isolates every single person at the party and tells them they deserve better than ‘this bloody company’. “I see the doodles you draw on your notebook, Sarah, they’re exceptional and need to be seen”.

2. Destructive You

You’re your own worst enemy when this wagon turns up. She insists on drinking everything in sight and then coming dangerously close to losing you your job. She’ll kiss a co-worker that’s engaged, she’ll tell the boss he’s a dope, she’ll even point out Karen from accounts’ mustache for all to see. “It needs waxing, Karen. I’ll even pay for it”.

3. Socially Awkward You

This absolute lump is determined to have your colleagues thinking you’re even more of a weirdo than they initially were led to believe. She tries to converse with people but runs dry quicker than an ice cube in a desert. No matter how much liquid courage she consumes, socially awkward you cannot handle the intricacies of conversation. “Heard your department had a huge loss this quarter… Unlucky”.

4. Social Butterfly You

She’s rare, but she’s welcome. This version of you is everything you wanted in school and college. A lot of this newfound confidence is owed to the fact that you’ve been in the company for 10 years, so you can float around the chosen venue with great ease, recognising every face that greets you. “Sharon, how are the kids? Tell Michael I was asking for him hun!”

5. Motivated You 

This wagon decides she’s going to secure you a promotion, Christmas bonus and wage increase at the party, even if it kills her. The heating’s been off most of December and she’s determined to get some answers. She nabs the boss for a minute and starts gently pushing her agenda, then is swiftly shushed and pumped full of complimentary prosecco. “I just think it’s funny how…”

6. Sober You

She’s on antibiotics but was still convinced to come along and against her better judgement, she agreed. Everything was pleasant during the meal, but now things have taken a turn. The gargle is flowing and her tolerance is lessening. She tries to see the positives, clear head in the morning and embarrassing stories about her co-workers to last a lifetime, but the irritation sets in. “Listen I’m gonna press on…”