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19th May 2016

This teenage girl’s diary from when she was seven is the funniest thing you’ll see today

'I am done with boys. I want to kill all of them.'

Ellen Tannam

Childhood diaries are a source of hilariousness and embarrassment in equal measure.

When I read mine, I simultaneously want to burn them and also put them in some sort of museum. They’re gas.

This Twitter user’s diary from 2008 when she was a 7-year-old has been blowing up online recently and it’s easy to see why. It’s a powerful saga, and really sums up the trials and tribulations of playground love.

@madiecardon posted the tweet just two days ago and it’s already gotten over 20,000 retweets. It’s a magical story.
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First off, remember what it was like when the person you liked in school liked someone else? Pure utter devastation. But Maddie has some dirt on Jessica “who is ‘such a player’. She wears PULL-UPS. ‘After he finds out he won’t like her anymore’. Listen, a lot of seven-year-olds wore those. OK.

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Let’s set the scene here. It’s Valentine’s Day. Maddie has written an ‘anomious’ card and placed it in his desk. He threw it in the bin.

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(via Giphy)

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In a grand sweeping finale, Maddie has decided she is ‘done with boys’ and ‘wants to kill them all’.

The illustration is just perfect.