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22nd Sep 2016

Clippy hospitalised after aggravated assualt

This is a breaking news story.

It has been reported that Clippy the paperclip has been hospitalised after an aggravated assault earlier today.

The incident took place in the early hours of this morning in Dublin’s city centre. Clippy, 19, is currently in Ireland as a guest speaker about the importance of help but also tolerance when dealing with technology.

He met friends for a meal and some drinks late last night and was reportedly on his way to locate a taxi when the incident took place.

A nearby witness described the scene:

“It was the weirdest thing. I recognised Clippy and was crossing the road to ask for an autograph and a photo, when I noticed he was chatting to a man that had tripped. Things seemed to escalate very quickly. I overheard him saying ‘It looks like you’ve fallen over. Would you like help?’ over and over again, it was as if he couldn’t stop himself. The guy that tripped managed to steady himself, but Clippy still wouldn’t leave him alone. I got frightened, so I ran away, but from what I heard, some sort of altercation took place after that”.

The suspect is thought to have fled the scene shortly after, shouting obscenities such as ‘F**k off, we don’t want your kind over here. Nobody wants you, Windows 97 w****r’.

Clippy was taken to Saint James’ Hospital where he is now said to be in a stable condition after receiving serious wounds to the clip. It’s expected that he will make a full recovery.

Gardaí are following a number of lines of inquiry and are looking for any witnesses that may have been in Dublin city centre between the hours of 1am – 2am to come forward with information.

The altercation is not thought to be gang related.

We’ll bring you more as this story develops.




Part of lead image via Brendan Gilligan via Emergency Times