We imagine one of the principle foundations of any successful marriage is trust. So we can understand why this Reddit user was surprised to find her husband had taken a secret paternity test after the birth of their son.
Reddit user throwaway_123226 discovered her husband’s secret behaviour when she went to put on a clothes wash.
Writing on her post, the woman said:
“I married my husband in spring last year, and we recently had a baby. Yesterday I took his bag to wash it and there was a booklet for a paternity test.
“When I confronted him, he said that it’s not that he doesn’t trust me, but that most couples trust each other and still there is this big percentage of cheating. So he wanted to make sure that the boy is his, even if he was quite sure it was, or something like that. He did the test behind my back and mailed it: the result was, of course, that yes, he is the father.”
The mother continued to give background to her situation, saying she was confused at her husband’s move as there was “absolutely no reason” to doubt her. She also revealed she had recently moved to a new neighbourhood right after her marriage, writing that she doesn’t have friend to go out or socialise with.
The mother finished the post by asking:
“Am I wrong at feeling betrayed and distrusted?”
The most surprising part of the story might be how the Reddit audience responded to her post.
There was a mixed reaction with some men posting that they too would insist on a paternity test, while other users stated she was ‘throwing a tantrum’. Some of the posts supporting her husband included:
‘I’m a guy, I just want to know with 100% certainty that the child is mine. As a woman you know it’s yours, but unless a paternity test is done we can only go off what you say.’
‘You’re only hearing the woman’s side of the story, you don’t know his side so its a bit unfair to instantly assume he’s either crazy or cheating himself. He says he didn’t tell me because I would take it the wrong way and get mad at him.
This sounds exactly like my old relationship. I couldn’t tell my spouse anything without them getting upset at me. Whether big or small, if my significant other disagreed, they were angry and it was an argument with me which lasted hours. They valued their own opinion more than mine. I spent a lot of time with counselors and found that type of behavior is considered abuse, I cowered or gave in whenever I knew it was going to be an argument, and when it came down to lying or knowing I was going to be up until midnight arguing, well, you know which route I took.
We don’t know OPs full story, but I know reading that one line brings back a lot of pain and misery for me, so I don’t buy that OP is 100% innocent here.’
‘Testing may be justifiable (and it’s around 7% – and remarkably consistent across race, class and culture for some reason), lying about it though? Not so much.’
Other users have defended the woman’s concern and upset, stating she is right to feel hurt and confused:
‘YOU aren’t a statistic. YOU are the mother of his child and his lack of trust and communication hurts you. That should be his concern. It isn’t asking too much for him to be honest about his trust issues. Honesty is the only remedy. Part of what makes cheating behavior hurtful is the hiding and lying. He’s doing that to you.’
throwaway_123226 later revealed she believes her husband being cheated on in past relationships led to his distrusting nature.