Let’s discuss career heartbreak and overcoming it

Jody Coffey

This is your reminder to take your full lunch break and regularly book time off!!

Climbing the career ladder may not be a priority for everyone and that’s perfectly okay.

For many, they’re happy to clock in and clock out, do only what they’re paid for, and have likely perfected that work-life balance (and honestly, they’re dead right).

However, those who live and breathe work and have goals of reaching their professional peak are likely some of the most driven, ambitious, and motivated people out there.

They’ll go the extra mile, work overtime, and are never too busy to take on another task (despite always being busy), all in the hopes of levelling up in their career.

There’s often a fine line between being ambitious and becoming burnt out, but the aspirations of a new title, elevated paycheque, and recognition of hard work keep their fire burning.

But what happens if that deserved promotion never comes? Or if the opportunity is passed over to another employee?

Career heartbreak. That’s what happens.

What is career heartbreak?

Emotion in the workplace can feel alien. It’s not a place where we wear our hearts on our sleeves.

While many organisations who aim to protect their employees well-being and mental health encourage their staff to speak to a designated team member about any turmoil or issues, we tend to keep our personal and professional lives separate,

However, it’s a little bit different when it’s work itself that has caused any issues.

After weeks, months, or even years of hard work that all point toward one goal, it can be crippling to see it denied or awarded to another colleague (regardless of if they’re as hard-working or not, although it would likely sting a tad more if they weren’t).

The time we spend working is an investment. When the investment is not returned, it can be as crushing as a romantic rejection.

Unlike romantic relationships, working is transactional and very conditional. We offer services and skills, a company pays for them.

When a diligent employee goes above and beyond for the job, they’re likely doing it for a reward in the form of a pay increase, promotion, or other benefit.

To feel as though their hard work has meant nothing can kill their happiness or motivation toward a job, and potentially even begin to view their job in a different light.

That is career heartbreak.

So, how do you come back from it?

Overcoming career heartbreak

Career-rejection-turned-heartbreak can make a person angry and their first reaction may be to be done with their workplace.

This may be the right choice for some, particularly if their career rejection is permanent e.g. there is no room for professional progression.

It’s the professional equivalent of ‘I’m not looking for anything serious right now’ and a person with goals of climbing would be wise to look elsewhere.

Sometimes when there’s no way up, it’s a sign to get out.

However, if a company has solid and valid reasons as to why a promotion went to another colleague, it might not be their time.

In one case, there is no more room for growth. In the other, there is plenty.

The key is to make informed decisions by asking the higher-ups first what they can do to prove themselves, what they’re looking for, and if they can provide feedback.

If a person feels they can meet those expectations and can agree to move forward on these terms, great.

If not, perhaps it could be time to end the professional relationship and look for another job where you can start fresh.

In either case, there has to be forgiveness to heal. It may feel personal, but it’s most likely not.

Moving on

Opting to sever the professional ties is a big decision and it can be painful, particularly for employees who have dedicated years to one company.

Career consultant, Angela Burke, says anyone who is considering a career move for any reason at all, should first identify what is causing any unhappiness in their job.

“Take a moment to figure out what is going on in your career at the moment,” she tells Her.ie

“Identify what you are unhappy about and what you appreciate, what parts of your career you have enjoyed and what parts have led to dissatisfaction, stress and frustration.

“This will help you to identify what you don’t want, which is often half of the battle, but it will also put a spotlight on different elements of your career that you have enjoyed which you can then combine to use as a guide for what your next position could look like.”

Changing careers may be a move being considered by all walks of life; career rejection, family needs, boredom, financial rewards, upcoming mortgage applications, flexibility, and so on.

“If you know you want a change but aren’t sure what that could look like, start speaking to people around you about their jobs,” Angela suggests.

“You’d be surprised what you could learn or what could serve as inspiration for your next move.”

The career consultant adds that our most ‘important career asset’ is our CV, so we ought to use it if we are making the career jump.

“It serves as a first impression of you, an explanation about your desired move and your ticket to interview. Invest in a solid CV by working with a professional who will be able to quickly spot the gaps and opportunities within your CV.

“Similarly with interview, it’s so important that you are equipped to quickly help the employer understand why you’re the right person for the job and how you’re going to bridge any gaps they might have concerns about.

“Finally, we are humans so naturally we don’t like to lean into the discomfort that comes with change, so supporting yourself through this in a way that helps you to back yourself and make the most informed decisions is vital to a successful career change.”