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13th Oct 2018

The trailer for ‘The Queen’s Corgi’ gives an insight into the future of Buckingham Palace

The Royal marriage is in tatters because of this adorable little scut

Ciara Knight

What! A! Day! For! Royal! Content!

The much-anticipated trailer for The Queen’s Corgi has been released and boy oh boy is it a treat.

TQC follows the adventures of, as advertised, one of the Queen’s corgis (called Rex) as he gets lost and falls in with a bad crowd, ultimately finding love along the way. Classic.

It certainly looks interesting, but I’m more in it for the generously animated versions of Her Majesty and Prince Philip, along with intricacies of Buckingham Palace and its staff.

As we all know, there’s no smoke without fire. Hence, I have reason to believe that within this movie trailer lies clues about the future of the Royal household.

Behold the evidence. Behold the truth.

Buckingham Palace is going to be suffocated by smog in the near future

More like Smogingham Palace, am I right? For real though, nobody’s going to be able to get a selfie outside the grounds, The Queen won’t be able to look wistfully out her window fondly remembering the days of yore and most importantly, realise that the planet is dying at an alarming rate. We must do everything in our power to halt climate change before it’s too late lol.

Someone is going to take a dump in Buckingham Palace and try to blame it on the dogs

It will be Paul Burrell.

The Queen is going to leave Prince Philip for a corgi

It’s been a long time coming and if this movie trailer’s predictions are anything to go by, it’s going to happen very soon. Prince Philip won’t be hugely surprised by the announcement, but he will be taken aback at her timing, given that he is 400 years old at present.

Sir Patrick Stewart is going to get a job as a Royal corgi carer

Once you’ve played the role of Captain Jean-Luc Picard, it’s very hard to find anything as satisfying as that feat to fill your time with. Sir Patrick Stewart knows that better than anyone, which is why he’s going to apply for the position of Royal Dog Carer in the next few months. He doesn’t need the money, it’s more for the satisfaction of a job well done. Also, dogs are tight as hell.

Thomas Edison is going to be reincarnated as a mischievous corgi

Reincarnation happens, that’s something we all need to reckon with. Once you do, the second part of your first life can begin. Thomas Edison was America’s greatest inventor. He deserves to be reincarnated far more than, say, a Kardashian, and it’s going to happen later this year / early next year. He will become a Royal corgi and enjoy such activities as eating, sleeping, peeing and taking dumps on the Royal lawn.

The Queen’s relationship with her corgi is going to go to the *next* level

That’s right, they’re getting matching tattoos in Gothic Sans font. The will say ‘Bitches Forever’, which is a clever play on words as it is the correct term for a female dog. Nobody will believe that The Queen has such a vulgar piece of ink on her person, but it will be there. Trust.

Between them, the Queen and her corgi are going to commit a series of dog murders together

The Mayans predicted this inevitability, whereby The Queen and her corgi will tire of each others’ presence. Each day will begin to roll into one, they will crave a higher purpose. The duo are going to find themselves knee-deep in a series of unsolvable dog murders, pretending to help the authorities but actually covering their tracks as they go. You know, just classic Royal behaviour.

Prince Philip will resent the corgi for stealing The Queen’s heart, but persevere with his duties regardless

Despite things being made very clear that The Queen will have replaced Prince Philip with her beloved new corgi, he’s only human. Prince Philip will feel the immense sadness of a breakup just like you or I would. Heroically, he’s still going to uphold his duties, but with a slightly more downtrodden demeanour than usual.

Things will eventually become too much for Philip, driving him to breaking point

The dog! Does not! Belong! On! The! Bed! In the greatest test to their relationship yet, Her Majesty and Prince Philip will struggle to remain civil as the corgi does his best to replace her former husband in every aspect. If the movie trailer’s predictions are anything to go by, boiling point will very quickly be approached. That dog is very clearly a menace to society.

In the end, Philip will humanely put the dog to sleep

Unfortunately, it will be a temporary sleep cycle that lasts roughly 6-8 hours depending on the size of the dog. Still, the briefest moments of peace are infinitely better than none at all.

Also, a decorative statue will sexually assault one of the Buckingham Palace staff members

Out of all of the above predictions from the movie trailer, this is the one that is least likely to happen. Buckingham Palace statues are generally quite well behaved. Fake news.

Images via YouTube