Teacher? But I barely know her!
It’s important to acknowledge that teachers do a great job, but we are all deeply envious of their holidays and working hours.
Regardless of where you went to school, there’s a strong chance that we’ve all experienced roughly the same calibre of teachers during our time.
Here’s 10 types of teacher you’re likely to have encountered during your schooldays.
1. The Eccentric
Whatever his/her subject is, they’ve devoted their entire life to it and you can tell that it’s their passion. They’re very quirky and genuinely seem to get their kicks from doing a quadratic equation. He/she is in their own little world, but deep down has a heart of gold.
2. The Moody One
Every day is like playing a game of Russian roulette with this one, as they can be your best friend one day, and the next, have you taken away by the Government for crimes against keeping the peace. When he/she is in a good mood, you’d easily forget that you had to stand for 20 minutes the day before for sneezing too loudly.
3. Everyone’s Pal
This eternally youthful soul is everyone’s mate and it’s hard not to want to win their approval. He/she does sound things like give you test questions in advance and brings jellies on Fridays. When it comes to serious matters, they display a real human element by saying things like ‘Look, we all know exams are shite’.
4. The Clueless Soul
You’re never quite sure how this one graduated college and successfully secured employment, as you’re pretty confident you’d do a better job of teaching than them. The know-it-all of the class truly comes into their own when you’re dealing with one of these, as they take on the role of chief correctional officer. ‘That’s not what pangaea actually means’.
5. The Substitute
They’re on big bucks to keep things ticking over as they replace a regular member of faculty, and don’t you know it. He/she doesn’t care if you start a fire down the back of the class, as long as you do it quietly. They always give off a vibe that they’re obscenely hungover and just passing time until the chipper opens.
6. The Nun
If you went to a convent, there’s likely to be a Nun or two knocking around. They’re gentle souls, with the odd exception, who spend a large portion of the class trying to hide their horrification at your deeply uncatholic lifestyles. Their relatable examples of things are always very tame, e.g. “You’ll find these particular leaves when you go on a nature walk”, rather than when you’re passed out face down in a field.
7. The Newbie
This delicate soul looks younger than you and there’s a strong temptation to prey on his/her weakness. Instead, the goodness in the class prevails and ye collectively decide to be sound to them. You show them the ropes and give them a heads up as to who they should avoid in the staff room. Inevitably, they turn into ‘one of them’ before long.
8. The Strict One
Woe betide anyone that turns up late to this lunatic’s class because you will be receiving a very stern talking to. Don’t dare take so much as a sip of water during one of his/her classes, you disgusting animal. Everything is ‘disrespectful’, according to this one. They worryingly never feel remorse and probably have a pet bat at home.
9. The Comedian
He/she is convinced that they’re God’s gift to the world of comedy. Quips about how global warming is cool, etc will leave you exhausted and ultimately depleted by the end of class. You can’t help but secretly like them, as you’ve often been the receipient of no laughter, so you throw them the odd pity laugh here and there.
10. Someone’s Mam
Statistically, there’s a very strong chance that one of your teachers is a classmate’s Mam. It’s awkward right up until they give out to their offspring in front of everyone, or another student (who isn’t their child), also refers to her as Mam. You’ve to be so careful bitching about this teacher, in case the young’un is nearby.