When you reach the age of 18, you should be calling it a horsetail, legally.
Much like your choice of car, handbag, Facebook profile picture, piercing and phone cover, you can tell a lot about a person based on the height of their ponytail.
There’s a large amount of science gone into this study. At least three full sciences. The information you are about to read is 100% accurate and should be absorbed with the utmost attention.
Low Ponytail
You are a 1920s Italian mobster with three separate families that you struggle to keep from each other on a daily basis. You enjoy such recreational activities as protection racketeering, the arbitration of disputes between criminals and facilitating illegal agreements and transactions.
You’re a daredevil, always seeking an element of danger in everything you do. You didn’t study for the Leaving, the NCT has been up on your car since October and you don’t even know how to set the house alarm. It’s likely you’re going to end up in prison, where you will manage to escape (unbeknownst to the wardens) via a very petite laundry chute.
Middle Ponytail
You’re a basic soul with, truth be told, very little going on upstairs. You love nothing more than the sweet scent of a gingerbread candle while you’re curled up in front of the telly watching Gogglebox with himself. Life is but a canvas for you to express what little creativity you have through the medium of fairy lights.
Friends describe you as predictable, you wash your hair every second day and pop it in a trendy little ponytail when you go to the gym. It’s rare you’d let yourself have a half glass of Prosecco as you don’t like the feeling of not being in control of every thought, action and hair flick. You’ve a dog called Fluffy and a slight dairy intolerance.
High Ponytail
You are a dangerous thug who beats people up for a living. It’s impossible to tell your age because the height and ferociously tight nature of your ponytail gives your face an instant lift. You get a headache every evening from your stern hairstyle, which you dull with copious amounts of Dutch Gold.
One time you pushed an elderly lady to the ground so you could help her back up and then receive a monetary reward for being so obliging. On that exact same day, you punched a hole through a wall because your 1996 bright pink Toyota Starlet with Playboy Bunny interiors wouldn’t start. You are scum.
Above Your Butt Ponytail
You are a horse.
