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05th May 2016

10 Things TDs must be doing when they’re mitching off Dáil debates

Being a politician must be one daily joyride...

Rebecca Keane

The Dáil must be a horrible place.

I’m sure it’s stressful, standing in an expensive suit and debating how you’re going to spend millions of euro with interruptions from other politicians with their conflicting opinions.

However, debates at the Dáil are extremely important in governing our future and there’s not really any excuse for politicians not turning up.

Recently, Alan Kelly was the only representative present to hear statements about climate change.

So what exactly are our nation’s TDs doing when they should be attending mandatory debates in the Dáil?

Given the known nature of some of our country’s politicians, we are not going to get any answers so I’ve had to come up with a few suggestions myself – these are 10 things that TDs must be doing when they should be in the Dáil.

1. Trying to prove Steven Avery’s innocence.

Image via Facebook

Fans of the Netflix smash hit Making a Murderer will know that Steven Avery was wrongfully convicted of one crime, and many viewers are convinced he is also innocent of his second crime.

Who better to solve the mystery than Enda and the lads?

2. Looking for their socks they lost in the wash.

Everyone knows the importance of a snazzy, matching pair of socks. It makes you feel somehow accomplished and mature, and how could one possibly stand in the Dáil with odd socks?
Gerry Adams is a divil for the jazzy socks.

3. Playing a game of Twister.

TORONTO - NOVEMBER 8: Workers prepare for an attempt to break the worlds largest Twister game record by having 4161 participants, at the Rogers Centre on November 8, 2007 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

What better way for TDs to relax and destress than play a traditional game of Twister on the Dáil lawns?

4. Practising their pavlova technique.

Showing up to the yearly Dáil Pavlova-Off with a soggy pavlova is most mortifying of all things you could do as TD.

Getting that meringue base just right ensures that your political street cred is on FLEEK.
According to Micheál Martin, it takes years of expertise and a gentle hand to ensure your peaks are light and fluffy.

5. Playing Singstar on their PS2.


Image viaTumblr

Apparently, Joan Burton is a real diva when it comes to Superstar by Jamelia.

6. Trying to find out who took Twink’s dog.


How could anyone forget the scandal that Twink losing her dog caused?

No better crowd than the Dáil squad to investigate.

7. Trying to find Nadine Coyle’s passport.

Poor Nadine!

8. Tweeting about First Dates Ireland.


Image via YouTube

First Dates Ireland on RTÉ 2 has invaded the hearts of the country, making it one of the hottest topics tweeted about in Ireland every Thursday evening.

9. Finding Kony.


Image via Facebook

Notorious war criminal Kony is still out there somewhere, and what better crew of smart, cunning individuals than our very own TDs?

10. Trying to find out who really killed Lucy Beale.


Image via YouTube

The politicians of our country were busy doing politicky stuff so they unfortunately missed that one crucial episode of Eastenders.

Someone put their out of their misery so they can stop searching!

Hopefully, our nation’s TDs can solve some of their personal problems and some of life’s biggest mysteries and get back to debating in the Dáil soon. I think it’d be nice.