Shifty First Dates – The Her.ie Guide To Dating In Ireland: Shapeshifters

In this weekly feature, Her.ie goes behind enemy lines to see what it’s really like to be single in Ireland. From speed dating to making speedy escapes, our no-holds-barred blog will follow our attempts to venture into the dating jungle, play the field and share any wisdom that we finds along the way.

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Week Nineteen: Shapeshifters I won't lie. This week, the mood at the Her.ie table has been one of exasperation when it comes to the topic of men. With one newly adjusting to single life following the break-up of a long-term relationship, another driven to frustration with mixed messages and yet another finally learning the lesson that it is definitely never a good idea to try to rekindle an old flame, we've mostly been bitching about just how complicated the process of finding love (or at least a decent dinner date) seems to be. One of our more interesting discussions arose while compiling this week's Ten Things You Should Never Say To A Single Woman article, when a colleague offered 'Why don't you ask him out?' as a suggestion. Having recently met (and engaged in a shifting session) with a guy that she's quite keen on, she has toyed with the idea of what to do next and been met with a chorus of people telling her to take matters into her own hands... so to speak, we're talking more a invite for a drink rather than an uninvited grope. Now, the woman in question is far from a shrinking violet but responded with an absolute and non-negotiable 'no' to the above, saying that she had gone down that route once before and the results were anything but positive. We haven't managed to pry the details from her (yet!) but it got us thinking: in an age where equality is the order of the day, should we still be waiting on a man to sweep us off our feet or is it time we started to take the lead? We'd love to hear your experiences on this front so if you're tried it, let us know how you got on! In other dating news, one of the girls had a particularly funny encounter on Tinder this week and gave the green light to share it with your lovely selves. As she wiled away another evening passing harsh judgement on Dublin's male population, she came across a fine lookin' fella whom we'll call David. Being of the 'let them come to me' school of thought, she flicked right and waited. Now, we've all had the experience of finding a hottie on Tinder who ended up being confined to the graveyard of 'no message' matches so when the 'New Message From David' alert popped up on her phone, she was absolutely delighted. The banter was flowing and it was time for the second hurdle: the date. Would he ask her out or would it be another month-long flirtation that ultimately led nowhere? Top marks again for David, who informed her that although he was flying out on his holidays that week, he would love to meet her for a drink the night before. She happily said yes and went to bed with a smile on her face. The day of the date arrived but unfortunately, so did a message from David saying 'I'm really sorry but my crazy ex has stolen my passport. I have to go into town and try to get it back before the morning. Raincheck?'. How do you respond to something like that?! Well, she decided to say 'fair enough' and leave him to his search, unsure whether she was dealing with a very possessive ex-girlfriend or a guy who was particularly creative when it comes to excuses. Either way, she didn't really want any part of it. David, on the other hand, was not so eagerly dissuaded. Throughout his hols, he kept messaging and she gradually got pulled into a cycle of banter and flirting. She figured if he was spending his time on a tropical beach texting her, he must be fairly genuine - right? When he got back on home ground a few weeks later, she assumed that he would reschedule their date but while the texts continued, none contained an invitation. Eventually, she bit the bullet and asked whether they were ever going to get around to that raincheck. His response? "Yeah definitely. The only thing is you should know that I just came out of a long-term relationship a few weeks ago so I'm not really looking for anything serious." Wondering why in the hell he had wasted weeks of her time but willing to see where things went, she lightheartedly responded "Well I'm not going to have sex with you on the date if that's what you're after but we can always sit around awkwardly in each other's company", adding a smiley face to make sure he took it in the way it was intended. He got back to say 'Haha. Great, sounds like a plan.' And... she hasn't heard from him since. Sickener. The whole 'pretend to be interesting in dating until her guard is down" approach seems to be a pretty common one, with several guys playing the gent card before morphing into a particularly horny caveman once they think they might get away with it. We haven't come up with a foolproof way of filtering them yet but if you do, PLEASE let us know! We want to hear your dating stories! Email [email protected] or tweet us @Herdotie with the #shiftyfirstdates.