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10th Jul 2023

‘My fiancée doesn’t want my daughter in our wedding and now I’m torn’

A dad has taken to the internet to ask for advice after his soon-to-be wife decided not to include his daughter in their big day.

He explained that he was married previously and had a child with his now ex-wife and they share 50/50 custody of the 11-year-old girl.

After his divorce, he met his current fiancée and he believed she and his daughter got along great, having built a relationship over five years.

However, after asking her to marry him, she jumped into planning the wedding and announced that her niece would take on the role of flower girl.

The dad-of-one said he had no problem with this but that his daughter would have to be included as well – which his future wife protested against.

He explained: “I (45m) have a daughter (P) from a previous relationship. I divorced my ex wife on good terms and we share 50/50 custody of P.

“She is now 11. After I divorced my ex wife I met my now fiancé (S). S and my daughter got along very well . After 5 years in my relationship with S I proposed.


“S was super excited and wanted to start planning right away. She looked at venues and started asking her friends to be her bridesmaids. She then told me she wanted her niece to be a flower girl.

“Which I had no problem with, but I said I also wanted P to be a flower girl. S looked at my funny and then said that she didn’t think that P would ‘fit the part’.”

He went on to say things got heated before he decided to up and leave to “think this over” and threatened that if his little girl wasn’t going to be involved, there may not be a wedding after all.

“I got angry and told S that my daughter would be in our wedding,” he explained.

“S started to become upset and said that the girls in the wedding were up to her and P wouldn’t be one of them.

“I told S that if P wasn’t in the wedding then there might not be a wedding. I stormed out and took P to get ice cream.

“P knows we are getting married and told me she thinks she will look pretty I whatever dress S decides she should wear this broke my heart and I decided to text S.


“I told her I would be staying at a friends to think this over.”

Since then, he said: “My MIL texted me saying I and over reacting and that my daughter doesn’t have to be in my wedding and I was and ass for saying that I would cancel.”

The father then asked readers: “So did I take it to far saying I will cancel? Am I overreacting or just being a good dad?”

People jumped to his defence in the comments on his Reddit post, with one writing: “This is a big red flag. If she doesn’t want to include her step daughter in her wedding then don’t expect she will include your daughter in her life…”

Another said: “Props to you for standing up for your daughter, that’s exactly what a good dad should do.

“Your fiancé is trying to diminish your daughter’s role in your wedding. I’d be concerned that’ll carry over to other parts of your life too.

“Whatever bullsh*t she means by her not “fitting the part,” sends up huge red flags to me too.”

A third added: “Be careful, S just showed you her true feelings for P. You want the people who mean the most in your wedding.

“The fact that your fiancée, who I’m guessing is younger than you and this will be her first marriage, doesn’t think your daughter fits that description is extremely telling to me.”