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11th Aug 2023

‘We invested emotionally and financially’: Dad heartbroken after wife lies about baby’s gender

By Charlie Herbert

The dad-to-be admitted said his wife and mother knew the real gender all along.

A man was left furious after he found out that his wife had lied about the gender of their baby.

In a post on the Am I The A**hole subreddit, the 32-year-old male told readers how he and his wife, aged 25, are expecting their first child together.

He explained that during his childhood he had always “craved a strong male figure” due to never having that bond with his dad.

So, he had a “deep-rooted” desire for having a strong bond with a son, which his wife knew about.

The poster said he had been away for work a lot so had missed the first pregnancy appointments for his wife, who had attended them with her adopted mother.

He continued: “Upon my return, she excitedly told me we were having a boy. We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, and even naming him after my late grandfather.

“However, a chance remark from her mother disclosed we’re having a girl. My wife admitted she knew from the beginning but didn’t tell me, thinking she was protecting my feelings.

“I was devastated, feeling the weight of past hurts and fresh betrayals. In my pain, I cleared out the nursery and, in a moment I regret, told her mother she wasn’t welcome at upcoming family events, seeing her as part of the deceit.”

He admitted to acting out of “deep-seated emotions and past traumas” and said he regretted his actions, before asking the Reddit community whether he was the a**hole for how he reacted to his wife’s deceit.

In a follow-up post, he said he “reacted emotionally without discussing my feelings with my wife first.”

“I placed blame on her and her mother, making significant decisions in the heat of the moment which might have been excessive”, he added.

Whilst the majority of people agreed that what his wife and mother had done was wrong and made little sense, they also said the father-to-be was wrong to react in the way he did.

One person responded: “I cannot imagine why she thought it would be less painful for you to think you were having a boy and then disappoint you later. Getting your hopes up accomplishes nothing.

“That said…you very much did overreact in clearing out the nursery and disinviting her mother from coming over. This reaction is crazy and you talking about this pain and devastation surrounding having a girl is probably the reason she was afraid to tell you. Because she probably wants to be excited about this child and didn’t want to deal with you acting like it’s something devastating that it’s a girl.”

Others agreed that it was concerning how the man had reacted to the news he was going to have a daughter, with another adding: “The way OP (original poster) is acting about having a daughter comes across like he’s going to have the same kind of relationship with her that he had with his own father. Little girls need their daddy to be their first male role model too.”

A third wrote: “Why would you pack up the nursery? You’re still having a baby. That baby will still need all the things in that nursery. Maybe this is a good chance for you to reconsider your attitudes to sex and gender – because, spoiler alert, the baby doesn’t care what colour their clothes and blankets are.”

And someone else penned: “I was on your side until I read comments about how you’d have been a little sad to have a girl. Gross. YTA (you’re the a**hole) for creating an environment that made your wife lie to avoid dealing with your reaction.”