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13th Nov 2023

‘Am I wrong for taking back my acceptance of a marriage proposal because of the ring?’

refuse proposal ring

A lot of us dream of being proposed to.

So if your other half got down on one knee and opened up a ring box, you would likely say yes. However, if you found out how much they spent on the sparkler, and weren’t happy about it, would you take it back?

For one Reddit user, it changed her mind about the future of her relationship entirely and now she’s wondering if she’s in the wrong.

Telling her story she wrote: “I have been with my long-term boyfriend for seven years now. I am not religious, nor am I someone who thinks marriage is necessary for a long-term relationship, but I admit that the bureaucratic benefits are great.

“My boyfriend, on the other hand, is someone who believes in the institution of marriage.

“When we started getting serious about 9 months into our relationship, we discussed marriage, and I made it clear that I had some conditions before I would marry him, chief among them was that he should get rid of his debt, and improve his finances (not income, but how he manages them).”

refuse proposal ring
Credit: Getty

In all fairness now, if you’re planning a future with someone it makes sense and he took it on board, sorting out his debt.

So the two decided to start discussing marriage something they agreed not to spend big money on.

“Well, he proposed Saturday, and it was a beautiful affair, and of course, I said yes,” she continued.

“Then we get home and I ask about my ring. He proudly informs me that it cost €13,000. At first, I thought he took from our savings to buy it, and I was pissed, but I became even more pissed when he said that he got it on payments.

“I gave it back and said that I no longer accepted his proposal, that I was rethinking our whole relationship if he was going to go ahead and throw all our sacrifices down the drain for a rock.

refuse proposal ring
Credit: Getty

“He got angry with me, said that he only wanted me to feel special, and I reminded him that for me, us being financially stable is much more important than a piece of jewellery.”

Now she is asking fellow Reddit users if she was wrong for changing her mind because of how much he spent.

At first people called her out, but many admitted they agreed with her after reading the full story.

“Under normal circumstances, I would say you’re being silly over a ring, but it’s very clear that he could not afford this ring, the cost of it was important to him for some weird status reasons and that you’d discussed your prioritisation of healthy finances,” commented one.

refuse proposal ring
Credit: Getty

Another penned: “Even though he has come a long way, this shows he is still financially irresponsible. You should stand strong on the principle that you won’t marry anyone you cannot trust to make good financial decisions.”

While a third added: “It’s a ring, not a house. If he can’t buy it outright, from his own money, he can’t afford it. And marrying a man who spends beyond his means is a terrible idea.”