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16th Jul 2012

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder vs. Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

Does absence make the heart grow fonder, or does out of sight really mean out of mind? Two old sayings go head-to-head in our big debate!

Rebecca McKnight

Michelle Says: Absence makes the heart grow fonder


So goes the old adage, and so I believe. Remember when you were a teenager and wrapped up in the crazy hormonal mess that is first love? Yes, chemicals were playing havoc with you and they can certainly shoulder some of the blame, but wasn’t some of the rush built from anticipation?

I’m probably the last generation who will ever know what it’s like to make plans with a member of the opposite sex on a home telephone or through a ‘Chinese Whispers’ system of school friends. Your entire picture of that boy was based on those brief meetings alone, and there was a mystery around romance that will never exist again for youths who diarise their day across social media, and text to tell you they’re around the corner.

There’s an argument to be made for manufacturing an element of that mystery now that we’re all big girls. If you’ve said goodbye in the morning, text while in transport, call on your lunch-break and Facebook stalk for the afternoon, what the hell could you possibly have to talk about that night? If you’re checking in to constantly to keep an eye on them and hate to spend even one night apart in case ‘out of sight out of mind’ applies to your relationship, then perhaps you weren’t best suited in the first place.

As lovely as it is to describe someone as your other half, that’s not to be taken literally. You are not half of anything; you are a full person all on your own. Ironically, spending time apart can be one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Make time for your friends, family, hobbies, and even set aside alone time, because only when you give yourself the chance to miss someone can you really appreciate the difference they make to your life. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a hot date with a bottle of champagne and a certain someone I haven’t seen in a while…  


Rebecca Says: Out of Sight, Out of Mind 

Relationships are called relationships because they are based on the foundations of communication and interaction. As a result, in order to have a successful or at least functional relationship, it is imperative that you see each other. 

As many of you might know, when you are apart from your other half, it can be easy to drift apart and can cause problems. After all you’re not as involved in each other’s lives anymore.

I’m not saying that when you are apart from your other half for 12 hours that all of a sudden you’re strangers or anything. I’m talking about the long periods of time that you are apart from each other.

When you are spending weeks or perhaps even months on end away from each other, can you honestly say that you don’t get distracted by other things such as work and friends?

It’s natural to focus on other things in your life as a distraction from the heartache of being apart. The problem is that the very thing that distracts you then becomes your sole focus in life and as a result your relationship is put on the back burner.

Days, weeks and months will go by when you hardly think about the other person because by that time you’ve become used to not thinking about them and thinking about what you do have in your life. You may no longer have the time for that hour long phone call every night. They too will be busy with other things. 

Inevitably priorities change and so too does your relationship. This is the reason that so many long-distance relationships break up. Things aren’t the same. You don’t spend anywhere near enough time together. You find that when you are together, you’re no longer just enjoying the moment but thinking about the life you have been forced to create on your own without them.

So it’s not so much a case of out of sight out of mind but more a case of having to focus on something else to distract yourself and in turn creating a new life into which your old one doesn’t really fit.

On that philosophical note, I better go, my other half is waiting for me at home…