People say it doesn’t change a thing – it does.
I’m only married a month, and I’ve already noticed changes. We’re not talking monumental changes, but there’s definitely a shift in the relationship. It’s more from those around us, rather than in the relationship itself.
Here are the main changes:
Using the ‘H’ word
I’ve been OK saying ‘boyfriend’ and ‘partner’ when in conversation. I struggled somewhat with fiancé, as I felt it was more of a boastful term than endearing, but boy did I find the word ‘husband’ challenging. It wasn’t the concept of having a husband, but just referring to him as ‘my husband’. It felt like I was lying or pretending. The first few times I didn’t say it convincingly and felt myself bite my lip every time I said it. I then proceeded to word vomit afterwards, “sorry, I just got married”. I know, morto!
Other people reacting to the word husband
However difficult I found the word ‘husband’, it did come in handy. I’ve found that using the word husband holds a lot more weight than boyfriend. For some reason, it gives a sense of authority. Maybe it’s because people assume you’re older than you are.
I haven’t quite got my head around it, but there has definitely been a shift in the treatment I’ve received if I’m making an enquiry over the phone or booking something for the two of us.
The obvious one – the question of babies
WHY has every Irish newlywed got to be subjected to the question of having children? Whether or not you want children is hard enough for some couples to decide on, and it becomes increasingly more difficult when there are pressures from outside.
As I said, I’m only married a month and I can’t count the amount of times I’ve already been asked. Most of the time in jest, which is fine, but some have been genuine questions.
I can only imagine how hard that must be if you’re a few years married and have been trying to conceive without any pregnancies.
All decisions are made together
It might be something small to decide upon or it could be pretty big, but, either way, you now need to make them together with your spouse. You feel a sense of duty to confer with each other before you make any decision. You realise that you’re both in it together and anything you do can impact the other person. Even down to spending money – it becomes transparent.
Your relationship does change
I wouldn’t say this is the biggest change but it certainly is evident. There is a shift in the dynamic of your relationship, for the better. You are very much a unit and no one can doubt or question that. You are a family now, together for life.
You may already have lived with your other half or have been going out years before you tie the knot, but the whole family unit doesn’t kick in until you’re actually married. (Obviously, if you have kids this is a very different situation.) For me, it brought us closer than we have ever been. There’s a feeling of unity and safeness that comes with that.