So, you want to buy your first sex toy but don’t know where to start
Maybe you go online and look up something like ‘A beginner’s guide to sex toys,’ which for many people might have them clicking add to basket the same day.
Yet for others, they end up with more questions than answers after being confronted by things they didn’t even know existed – maybe even decide that they’ll just leave it.
Well Shawna Scott, the owner of Sex Siopa, an Irish online shop for all your sex toy needs, has a much simpler formula for you to try out.
“I always tell people if they don’t know where to start, go away and have a few weeks and think about what you think about when you’re having a w*nk,” she says with a laugh.
Just to preference this, the Seattle native doesn’t stock any of your favourite celebs so just keep that in mind.
“Like what areas of your body do you like to touch? Are you a breast person? Do you like your nipples being played or your vulva being played with? Do you like being teased? Do you like a lot of clitoral stimulation? Are you highly sensitive or do you have low sensitivity?”
One thing Shawna definitely won’t do is tell you to get a certain toy because it’s “the best for beginners” without you actually outlining what you enjoy.
“So go away and, you know, have a few w*nks and really think about what you like, explore your body and then come back to me. Let me know and that will help me figure out which toys are going to be best for you,” she says brightly.
“Because there’s no point in me recommending a rabbit vibrator if you’re someone who just likes external stimulation and like similarly, there’s no point in me recommending a big mains powered wand vibrator if you’re someone who has like high sensitivity like that’s just going to blow the clit off you!”
Some people will be able to decide what they want just from this without needing any further help but if you want more advice Shawna is more than happy to help. Just drop her an email.
There’s no need to be embarrassed with any of your queries, chances are, the businesswoman has heard them all before as she says that 70-80% of the emails she receives are from first-time buyers.
Shawna stresses that pleasure is for everyone and there’s something out there for you.
“If you’re someone who has impaired like grip strength, if you have like arthritis, if you’re someone who’s going through cancer treatment, if you’re someone who has any kind of like disability or chronic illness, that’s going to affect what toys you will want or can use.
“I work with a lot of cancer survivors or those who are going through treatment. If you are someone who has cervical cancer or has had a hysterectomy, you might, you might, you might have a shortened vagina because of surgery or radiation,” she explains.
“You might not have a vagina at all. If it’s like a radical hysterectomy, there might not be anything there and so like that’s going to determine, how deep a toy can go. It might determine levels of sensitivity to the area because you might have nerve damage.
“Before that happens, and after it happens, know that it doesn’t preclude you from having sexual pleasure. It just means you’re going to have to relearn some stuff.”
So let’s say you’re thinking about buying your first sex toy and you want to ask your partner about using it in the bedroom, how do you start the conversation?
Shawna’s advice is to just keep it simple and start talking.
“I think a nice way of broaching the subject is saying, ‘we’ve been in a bit of a routine, let’s like, change it up, let’s have fun,'” she says.
“There was someone on TikTok, I can’t remember the name of the creator but they were talking about how they’ve been married for something like eight years and they have found that the best thing that they can do to like, keep their relationship going is to always ask questions.
“Always ask the person, like, what are you into today, because like, as we change and grow and shift as people as we like, go through the different stages of life, the things that we’re into, the things that we enjoy, are going to change, our bodies are going to change, like how we respond to sexual stimulus is going to change.”
What if they decide it’s not something they want in the bedroom? The answer is just as easy.
“You don’t need anyone’s permission to buy a sex toy. They might not want to use it but that doesn’t mean you can’t on yourself!”
If you want to learn more from Shawna Scott she will be speaking at the National Menopause Summit in the Aviva Stadium on April 11th and 12th.
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