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15th Dec 2017

Mum’s fiancé asks her to give up son so they can marry…and she’s tempted

She says she's actually considering it

Relationship deal breakers can be tough.

Especially since people can have such vastly different opinions on each and every possible issue a couple can face.

And while some situations may seem very cut and dry, one woman has told how she feels “stuck” after her fiancé asked her to give up her son.

The 30 year old divorcée wrote to agony aunt Dear Wendy for advice – admitting seriously considering her fiancé’s request.

Her post began:

“I have joint custody with my ex-husband.

“My boyfriend, who is also divorced, has a daughter who is under the sole custody of his ex-wife.

“I only get to spend time with my son on alternate weekends and my boyfriend doesn’t see his daughter at all.

“My boyfriend already proposed to me, but, one month after proposing, he wants me to give up seeing my son.

“I did tell him that my parents want to spend time with my son too and they can only do that on the alternate weekends I see him.

“He told me that he wants to go overseas to work and meanwhile I can use this period to think about whether I want to give up my son for him.”

The anonymous woman seems to seriously be considering her fiancé’s idea – but admitted there is one drawback.

She continued:

“I have thought of giving up my son after we married, but how am I supposed to answer to my parents? My mother has depression and my father has cancer.

“I don’t want them to be sad knowing that they will lose a grandson.

“My boyfriend told me when we started dating that he could not accept my son, and I know not all men can.

“I want to be with my boyfriend and yet I can’t bear to let my parents feel sad because of their illnesses.

“I also have a mother’s guilt in me because my son loves me so much. What should I do?”

And Wendy pulled no punches when she sent the woman her response.

She said:

“Yeah, no shit you have ‘mother’s guilt.’

“You’re willing to give up the little bit of time you have with your son, which is already a depressingly small amount, for a monster of a man who doesn’t see his own child and doesn’t think you should see yours?

“Shame on you. Are you so lonely and so desperate for a husband that you would cast away your own child? Apparently so.”

She urged the woman to “get therapy” – before delivering the final blow.

She added:

“I’m not even touching on your parents.

“That you would use them and their illnesses as the main reason to maybe keep seeing your son occasionally speaks volumes.

“Get help.”