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17th Dec 2015

Mindyer Neeson – Cruel Celebrity Childrens’ Names

"Now 17, Samantha Mumba's eldest, Chumba Mumba is rebelling like all teens do"

Ciara Knight

Yesterday, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively’s daughter James celebrated her first birthday.

Continuing her mother’s tradition, she also has a boy’s name, which is something the pair seem pretty chuffed with.

Lots of celebrities have called their children unconventional names, so let’s take a look at some of the worst* offenders.


Will Smith

This absolute divil actually called his son Lock Smith. Initially intended as a practical joke, Lock Smith has had the last laugh, as he now runs the most successful locksmith business in all of Miami. We contacted Will for a comment but he was unable to get back to us by the time this article went to print.


Hugh Laurie

You couldn’t make this up, Hugh Laurie has honestly gone and called his son Fortheg Laurie. However, unlike his name suggests, young Fortheg is actually quite a humble and reserved guy, particularly around the House. That’ll teach you, Hugh.


Leslie Mann

After giving birth to twins earlier this year, Leslie has bizarrely called the boys Huda Mann and Yuda Mann. While the babies are too young to comment on the situation just yet, Leslie has said that they are already living up to their names, with Huda being very inquisitive and Yuda being, indeed, the man.

DUBLIN, IRELAND - JULY 5: Irish singer Samantha Mumba performs at the 2FM "O2 in the Park" concert at Phoenix Park July 5, 2003 in Dublin, Ireland. (Photo by Images)

Samantha Mumba

Now seventeen years old, Samantha’s eldest, Chumba Mumba is rebelling like all teens do. Her love of British alternative music unfortunately led to an accident last year, where she got knocked down, but luckily got up again. We wish her a speedy recovery.


Tom Cruise

The world cried insanity when Tom named his daughter Caribbean Cruise six years ago, but Tom’s having the last cry now, because she’s changed her name to Mediterranean. In the ultimate act of defiance, Medi wanted to distance herself from a name as ridiculous as Caribbean. We stand with Medi.


Liam Neeson

A keen sportsman, Mindyer’s career was cut short after, you guessed it, a knee injury. Having always stressed the importance of warming up and stretching properly, Liam was devastated and angry at the time but they have since reconciled after they were said to have Taken a break from each other.


Tina Turner

Internationally esteemed writer, Paige Turner, has certainly lived up to the name given by her famous mother. A strange choice at first, Paige really grew into her name and is now one of the best readers and writers in all of St. John Of God’s second class in Waterford.


Jamie Heaslip

Beloved son and keen ice skater, Often Heaslip, takes after his Dad in many ways. After being crowned the world’s most improved ice skater in 2013, Often has been working hard to further improve his skills and gain the international recognition he deserves. COYMIIS (COME ON YOU MOST IMPROVED ICE SKATER!).

*As the private investigators among you may have figured out, a large portion (literally all) of this may have been exaggerated and entirely fabricated. IMAGINE though.