She was “genuinely baffled.”
A woman sparked a huge debate online after asking why “everyone hates” engaged couples who ask for money instead of wedding gifts.
She went on to explain she was “genuinely baffled” why asking for funds instead of a gift for any occasion – like birthdays, or the holidays – is frowned upon.
She said that, the case of engaged couples, the money might actually be more helpful than a gift.
The anonymous woman said on Mumsnet:
“In this day and age it’s very rare for a couple not to live together before marriage, so it’s unlikely that they need the traditional help in setting up a home together.
“And since not everyone has the same tastes, it’s not always to judge what will really be a meaningful and appreciated wedding gift.
“I would much rather give a couple money and know they will be able to use it on something they will really love and appreciate than spend the same money on a gift they aren’t guaranteed to like (or on some tedious gift list purchase like pillowcases…)
“Isn’t it time we all moved on a bit and accepted that a gift isn’t a requirement for attending a wedding but that if you want to give one and the bride and groom would find cash most helpful and welcome, we should just accept that?”
And the responses that she got were pretty mixed.
Many people felt that it was “easier and sensible” to give funds, while others agreed that it was a way to make sure the couple would get something they could use.
One person commented:
“What’s the problem? You give what you want to give.”
Someone else added:
“I’ve no f**king idea. Presumably you like these people, wish them well and would otherwise spend the same money on a gift.”
Another person wrote:
“It’s also much easier. You don’t have to spend hours trailing round the shops looking for something they probably don’t want, or have already got!
“Just pop cash in an envelope and you know it’ll be appreciated. I do the same for children’s birthdays.”
A different newly-wed commented that they wished they had gone for money – as they “got 27 casserole dishes”.
Other people felt that it was “grabby” and “crass” to give a soon-to-be-newlywed couple money.
Someone explained:
“I just think asking for anything is a bit rude. But that’s just me. I always think why not just save your money, go do it alone instead of getting everyone to pay for your party/holiday.”
Another argued:
“I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the fact traditional gifts are given to help a newlywed couple set up home together. To help them start their new life as a couple.
“If they are already living together and so don’t want or need these ‘traditional’ things, I think it’s quite rude to ask for money instead of.”
A different person added:
“I don’t like someone knowing exactly how much I have spent on them. A gift can look a lot more generous than the same amount of money in an envelope.”
