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11th Nov 2018

This is how you should tell your partner you have cheated on them

We were not expecting this at all, to be honest.

People in relationships cheat for many reasons. Unfortunately, we all know someone who has been cheated on, or indeed you might have been cheated on too.

It’s a really crappy situation that nobody wants to be in, but it happens.

However, we were quite surprised to hear that when Refinery29 asked a sex and relationships expert how to tell a partner that you’ve cheated on them, they said to keep it quiet.

Thought honesty was the best policy? Er, not this gal…

An NYC-based marriage counsellor and sex therapist Megan Fleming told the website that it will only cause unnecessary pain.

“You’re the one sitting with the guilt, and if [the affair] is over and done, you absolutely don’t want to then put that on your partner.

“Obviously on some level your relationship was feeling challenged. A lot of times, the crisis is the opportunity. So, the affair in some ways was a crisis, and it’s the opportunity to repair the relationship and make it better.”

However, another relationships expert Susan Winter told the Independent that there are times when you should keep your infidelity to yourself – and time when you should come clean.

“While honesty is indeed the hallmark of true intimacy, there are times when unburdening yourself results in cruel and unnecessary information that then burdens your mate,” she said.

Susan believes that if it was a once-off, for example, fuelled by alcohol on a drunken night out, then it might be best to stay quiet.

However, if it was an ongoing affair you need to assess yourself and the relationship. She believes that you should go see a therapist first and come up with plan to tell your partner.

“This was a choice made repeatedly that diverted your love and sexual expression away from your partner,” she says – and it indicates “a problem exists within the relationship, or within yourself.”