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25th Apr 2018

The list of the 14 things that make a perfect woman is such a joke

Jade Hayden

perfect woman

Science has told us lots of things over the years.

It’s told us that man can walk on the moon. It’s told us that smoking is actually bad for our health. It’s told us that the pull-out method is not an acceptable form of contraception.

See? Loads.

One thing that science has also apparently told us is what makes the perfect woman.

This isn’t just the perfect woman who goes around living her life independent of any man though – this is the perfect woman who also happens to be the girlfriend of some lad.

What makes this woman perfect is not that she’s sound and loved and she brings home food sometimes.

No, according to Business Insider, this woman is perfect because of the things she does for her man.

Specifically, 14 things.

This is them, apparently.

1. She is smarter than you

Apparently, men enjoy is when their girlfriend is smarter than them. Presumably so they can teach them things on the go while they don’t make all that much of an effort themselves.

There’s another reason for this too and that’s that apparently having a smart woman around decreases your chance of developing dementia.

Which, yeah OK, that’s a pretty good thing, go for it.

2. She is honest 

She’ll tell you the things you maybe don’t want to hear… but in a nice way. Because she’s a nice gal. You know?

3. She has a positive outlook 

She’s happy all the time, as all women should be. What do we have to complain about?

4. She compromises 

You want to stay home and watch the match and she wants to visit her grandmother who’s receiving last rites in the hospital.

She compromises.

She has to.

5. She laughs at your jokes 

Even the shit ones. She’s supposed to love you.

6. She has an open heart

Girlfriends who share lots about their lives to you are apparently the best one to have around.

Never mind those sneaky girlfriends who keep quiet every once in a while because they don’t feel comfortable feeling exposed – they’re the worst.

7. She supports your goals and pursues her own 

OK yeah, this is grand.

8. She has a good relationship with her parents 

Why though? Her parents might be awful people. She might not want a relationship with them. You don’t know her story!

9. She is kind 

Fair enough.

10. She remains calm in fights and calms you down too 

Nah. Just nah. Sorry but it’s not up to women to stay level-headed in every single fight and make someone else feel better about getting wound up while they’re at it.

We can only multitask so well.

11. She does foolish things with you 

Apparently, this doesn’t mean pulling pranks but going out drinking.

Not entirely sure where the ‘foolish’ aspect comes from then unless you’re getting blackout and falling asleep on the road together but sure look, we won’t delve too much into it.

12. She has a life of her own 

OK yeah, this is a pretty good one, nothing bad to say here.

13. She accepts your flaws 

No matter what they may be.

Rude to her? She accepts it.

Selfish in bed? She’s not going to cause a fuss.

Kill a man with your bare hands? She doesn’t care. She’s perfect.

14. She does not bear grudges

Who cares if someone does something to wrong you? Just forget about it, it’s not important girl, don’t make scene.

According to science then, if a woman is all of these things then you should consider keeping her around.

Grand so, we’ll just push every emotion we’ve ever felt to the side and become a calm, amiable, non-confrontational android that accepts everything our boyfriends do without question.

Oh, and laugh at their jokes.

No bother.