Biscuits are an essential part of everyday life.
They cheer you up, make you feel warm inside and provide the perfect accompaniment to a cup of tea. While divisions may arise as to how one makes a cup of tea correctly, something that unites us all the world over is the necessity to have an accompanying little crunchy number to nibble on.
You can tell a lot about a person based on their biscuit of choice. Here’s what your favourite biscuit says about you.
You’re a self-confessed health nut who loves nothing more than hitting the gym four times a week and bragging about how you can always tell when an avocado is just about to ripen. Friends tend to avoid your calls when you hound them about going for a “nature walk” on the weekends, mostly because your fondness for rigorous exercise makes you insufferable to be around. You consider a handful of raisins to be a weekend treat and you haven’t allowed yourself to experience the sensation of feeling drunk since your debs night, where you indulged in two Bacardi Breezers. Rebel.
Quirkier than the inside of a head shop, you’re an unpredictable soul. Tie dye t-shirts remain a staple in your life since the mid 90s, along with anything rhinestone and inexplicably colourful. Friends struggle to connect with you on any meaningful level because your head is always elsewhere, trying to decide what animal you should adopt next, or how you can successfully rob a bank to fund your Tamagotchi addiction. Your eyeshadow is a thing of beauty, landing somewhere between a packet of Crayolas and a rainbow trout. Keep living your true self, you are an inspiration and a constant source of bewilderment for all.
Fair is fair, you know exactly what you want in life and we can’t possibly berate you for that. Everything has been meticulously mapped out and you rarely stray away from the norm. God’s plan is for you to be a basic soul, something that you’re certainly adhering to. Friends know how to get their way with you, playing on your predictability and simplistic interests. Nothing appeals to you more than a pot of tea and a few nibbles with your closest friends on a Friday night, while indulging in the local gossip. The thought of something as outrageous as Tinder frightens you to your core, so you’ll happily stay alone forever.
Wow, could you be more boring? Your favourite ice cream flavour is vanilla and you deeply enjoy the musical prowess of Bell X1. Leading a simple and monotonous life is something you’re all about. Nobody can tempt you with their haphazard ways such as after work drinks or an all inclusive holiday to Ayia Napa. Yourself and himself have been going out for 75 years, even though you’re only 28. He hasn’t popped the question just yet, but you remain hopeful that his mother will give him a stern talking to at some stage. The wedding reception will undoubtedly consist of a rousing speech of how ye met in the biscuit aisle of Centra.
The grandchildren would enthusiastically describe you as a bit smelly,t but very nice. Life’s been difficult for you since you partook in both World Wars. You lost a lot of close friends, but at least you gained the satisfaction to be able to say that you were part of at a pivotal time in your country’s history. Now nearing your 120th birthday, you enjoy nothing more than having a good sit down and moaning about the state of young people today. Bourbons are the perfect accompaniment to a fulfilled and very long life that you’re nearing the end of. Back in the day, you were a divil for a game of chess on a Saturday night, along with a big cup of Horlicks.
It’s surprising that you’ve calmed yourself for long enough to read this piece of text, you absolute lunatic. Putting out a raging forest fire would be easier than managing to keep you sitting still for five minutes. You’re impulsive, adventurous and never in the same place for long. You’ve got friends in every corner of the globe, who you visit frequently. You enjoy a good night out and shun societal norms that suggest you should go home before the sun comes up. Bringing joy and amusement to those around you is a bit of a specialty of yours, which is just as well because they’re going to start charging you for rent soon. Get a job!