“I’m not raising heartbreakers” – The beautiful message one boy mum has about raising sons

This touched my heart.

Being a mum of both a little girl and little boy, I am forever amazed at not only how similar they actually are, but also how innately very different. And so my approach to raising them has to be different too, much as it is also, of course, the same in so many ways. My main philosophy when it comes to parenting comes down to a quote by Astrid Lindgren, the Swedish children's book author who wrote, among many other things, the books about the fierce and brave Pippi Longstocking. Lindgren, who throughout her whole life was an advocate for the importance of a happy, safe childhood and how this should be a right for all children, once stated the following about how to approach parenting: "Give children love, love and more love. And then common sense will just come by itself." I live by this, and much as I of course also discipline my children and set boundaries and rules and correct bad behaviour when needed, I firmly believe that my most important job, and what will pay off the most, is just loving them every day. Literally filling them up with love, and letting them know that no matter what, they are so very loved. I firmly believe that this is what is going to turn them into the kind, caring, compassionate and loving adults I am hoping to raise. Which is why this blog post by Catherine of Unsilenced Woman of just struck a chord with me. In a post shared by Love What Matters, Catherine, who is a mum of two young boys, shared her thoughts on raising sons, and why she is not trying to raise the stereotypical 'heartbreakers.' She writes: “Don’t call my sons ‘heartbreakers’ please. I know they’re super cute, but I am not raising heartbreakers. I am raising heart cultivators. Aren’t we bored with the heartbreaker? The heartbreaker I imagine is emotionally unavailable. Women and men are conquests. Relationships are dispensable. His emotional literacy is low, and he doesn’t know how to sustain intimacy. I want more for my sons than a nonchalant, debonair approach to romance. I want them to cultivate deep engagement with their own heart and to grow authentic intimacy in their romantic lives. Let’s put that on a baby onesie. I am not raising heartbreakers. I am raising people who care for the hearts of others AND who tune into the frequency of their own heart. Heart listeners, heart celebrators, heart activators, heart seekers, heart connectors.

Our boys need more options than the stock characters of Boring Nice Guy and Hot Heartbreaker. We need to reinvigorate the language around intimacy and masculinity. Boys have emotional needs. Boys desire love and connection. Boys can learn to communicate their feelings in constructive ways that help build robust relationships. Soft heart, open heart, strong heart. That’s what I hope for my boys. I want their hearts to be touched by the suffering, the joy, and the beauty of the world. Masculinity can come from the heart. Let’s raise men who move through the world with their hearts forward. We all deserve better than the heartbreaker.”