Stranger Things is the new Orange Is The New Black.
It’s actually not, I just wanted to write that. Stranger Things is a new supernatural science fiction horror series on Netflix that people are currently horsing through.
The show is brilliant. I just finished it and I’m thoroughly satisfied with what I consumed. The cinematography is beautiful, the acting is good, the storyline is gripping and the scare factor is a ten.
Watching Stranger Things is a rollercoaster of emotion, as all good television series should be. Here’s 5 emotions you can expect to be subjected to…
STAGE 1 – Determination
Right, it’s time to dive into this new show that everyone’s tweeting about. The final series of Gossip Girl will have to wait because you’ve more important things to do today. You’re going to be ahead of the curve this time. You were three months later than everyone else getting into Making A Murderer, but this time things are going to be different. You’ll be the one trying not to accidentally drop spoilers because you’ll have binged the entire series long before everyone else. Are you a flow of electric charge? Because finally, you’re about to be current.
STAGE 2 – Intrigue
Okay, this seems like a very nice and pleasant show. You’ll wonder why the opening credits and music gave off an eerie feel because there’s nothing remotely terrifying happening here. They’re just a bunch of adorable kids having an adorable little time together in the 80s. Oh look, there’s Winona Ryder. Remember the time she got arrested for shoplifting? That was a joke, she has loads of money. You begin to question if the hype around Stranger Things was valid because it’s actually quite uneventful thus far.
STAGE 3 – Questioning
JESUS CHRIST where did that little boy go? Why does that girl have a shaved head? What is that disgusting creature covered in goo? Why are Winona’s lights flickering? Is that stuff oozing through the wall? Does that girl have special powers? Was 9/11 an inside job? Why did Nancy tell Barb to go home? Is Steve hot? Why does Eleven keep getting nose bleeds? WHAT IS THAT BIG DISGUSTING CREATURE? Is Jonathan hot? How do those children all have such fantastic cheekbones? What in the name of shite is happening?
STAGE 4 – Regret
It’s 2am, you’re sitting in a dark room with the glow of a laptop illuminating your face, which you unfortunately catch a glimpse of in the reflection of the screen. What has your life become? You have work in the morning. This gripping and exceptional show can wait. You’ve got a big meeting tomorrow and having enormous bags under your eyes won’t help. Also, your frequent gasps are very likely to result in some awkward conversations with your housemates tomorrow. Go to bed.
STAGE 5 – Accomplishment
Congratulations, you have finished all eight episodes in less than a day. It’s 6am, you have to get up for work in an hour and you haven’t slept. But let’s look at the positives here, you’ve answered all your burning questions from stage 3 and you can now actively participate in office conversations about Stranger Things. The pressure gets to you with regards to informing Twitter of your accomplishment, so you simply tweet “#StrangerThings – all I can say is WOW”. Nailed it. That’ll let people know you’ve finished it, while also conforming to the popular opinion that it’s good. Now then, back to Gossip Girl. IT’S DAN.
Unedited images via Netflix
