Soap star Lacey Turner has admitted that she blamed herself when two of her pregnancies ended in miscarriage.
The EastEnders actress, who is now pregnant, said that she couldn’t understand what had happened when she lost her baby each time.
“We couldn’t believe it, we got a positive pregnancy test, you start thinking about names, and then we got to seven weeks and sadly lost it.
“It was heartbreaking, my whole world crumbled, I couldn’t understand it.
“I didn’t know anybody who had been through something like this. I couldn’t understand why I was so sad at something I had never met.”
She said she was “frustrated” when doctors were unable to find a reason for the tragedies and so she turned the blame on herself.
“It is really confusing. I thought, ‘what did I do? Was my steak not cooked properly?’ You drive yourself insane.”
Lacey, who plays Stacey Slater on the BBC soap, and her husband Matt Kay announced last month that they’re expecting a baby.
She told OK! Magazine that they had waited “for so long” to have a family.
“When you’ve lost babies all you care about is the heartbeat – we’ve had about 12 scans,” she said.
“It felt like my whole world had fallen to pieces and there’s nothing you can do apart from try and put it back together.”