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01st Nov 2016

21 things you’re guaranteed to hear at a Justin Bieber concert

Ciara Knight

What’s Justin Bieber’s favourite TV channel? C-Biebies.

JB is playing Dublin tonight and tomorrow night and the nation is beside itself with anticipation, just coming off the back of a bank holiday that was held in honour of his arrival. It’s likely that there will be two Angelus’ this evening to signify the momentous occasion that is upon us.

There’s a particular crowd that Justin attracts, meaning there’s likely to be a very predictable level of chatter in between songs, much to his bemusement.

Here’s 21 things you’re likely to hear in the O2/Point/3Arena.

1. Did you check us in on Facebook? Be sure and tag Justin as well.

2. Hope he doesn’t throw another wobbler tonight and storm off stage again, I’ll be livid.

3. For a multimillionaire, he dresses like a 14-year-old boy that hangs outside the chipper with his grubby skateboarding friends every weekend.

4. We should’ve paid extra for the fancy seats, you’d have no queue for the toilet.

5. Selena Gomez was dead right kicking him to kerb, I’d say he’s an awful arsehole in the mornings.

BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA - NOVEMBER 27: (Editors note: This image has been converted to black & white) Justin Bieber performs live for fans at Brisbane Entertainment Centre on November 27, 2013 in Brisbane, Australia. (Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)

6. I hope he sings Sorry so I can ring my ex and tell him to go fuck himself.

7. Remember when he was shite? Jesus that feels like ages ago.

8. I don’t care if they’re €700, we’re buying a t-shirt on the way out.

9. He’d be thrilled if he knew we’d snuck naggins in our knickers. Seems like a real appreciative lad.

10. If he throws any more shapes we’re going to need to call the montessori to sort them into their allocated compartments.

11. Fierce amount of tattoos on him now, I preferred when he had less ink than a dead octopus.


12. The fact that someone called Justin is as famous as he is gives me hope that I too could become an international superstar: Mairéad Fogarty.

13. Did you see that video where he snotted himself on the skateboard TWICE? I was howling.

14. Wonder what hotel he’s staying in, I’d say his bathroom is the size of my house anyway, the ungrateful little rip.

15. Remember when Justin’s Dad tweeted about his wang? Jesus that was weird.

16. I’ve been a true fan from day one. Sick of all these blow-ins. I was with him since he was kidrauhl.

AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND - NOVEMBER 23: Justin Bieber performs live for fans at Vector Arena on November 23, 2013 in Auckland, New Zealand. (Photo by Jason Oxenham/Getty Images)

17. Look at everything he’s achieved at 22. I hate myself.

18. Did you ever watch the documentary film about him? I’d say he’s actually a bit of craic on a night out.

19. I’d say he’s a bit of Irish in him, isn’t there Biebers in Roscrea or somewhere? Fine Irish name.

20. He could bang me like one of those drums any day and I’ve no shame in saying that because he’s 22 now and an absolute fine thing.

21. Did you definitely check us in on Facebook? What Do You Mean you forgot? Hahaha, put that in it as well!