Is there anything more nerve-wracking than the early stages of seeing someone new? We’re not sure. Those early days of a new relationship are always fraught with rational (and completely irrational) concerns: does he really like me? Is he serious about me? How come he’s taking so long to text me back?
We’ve all been there ladies, and unfortunately, most of us are so worried about our own behaviour and the potential things that could go wrong in the first few weeks of our lovely new romance that we subconsciously ruin the experience for ourselves.
We should feel confident, happy and secure with our relationship. Instead we drive ourselves mad over-analysing his texts, thinking about him and fearing that our relationship is in fact some sick joke and that he’s likely to pull the plug any minute.
All of this insecurity and worrying is absolutely exhausting. Fact. But no matter how hard we try to stop obsessing, it can be hard to switch off that niggling feeling that encourages us to fret over things that we really have no need to fret over.
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, some common sense is needed. Ladies, here are the ten things that you honestly have no need to worry about in a new relationship.
10. He’s BFF with his ex-girlfriend: Normally this signals alarm bells, but bear with us. If a guy is friends with his ex, it’s generally okay (providing their break-up happened years ago as opposed to last week). If your man is friends with his ex it signifies two things: first and foremost, he’s mature enough to treat her nice despite whatever went down between them and secondly, if things don’t work out between you and him you know that he’ll be kind to you and open to maintaining a friendship.
You should only worry if: His behaviour with his ex is a bit off, for example if he’s flirting with her non-stop and ignoring you every time she walks into a room. Then you should worry and take action.
9. He gets a text from a female colleague: Your man gets a text from another woman that he works with. Should you panic and assume the worst? Answer: no. In the same way that you work with men, your boyfriend works with women and sometimes they’ll need to communicate with him outside of hours about work.
You should only worry if: You honestly feel like something is off with this kind of communication. Or if it’s a full-on booty-text.
8. He didn’t ask you about something important: That doctor’s appointment, the big presentation you had at work, the fact that you were planning on asking for a raise at work – whatever it was, give the guy a break. He probably just genuinely forgot.
You should only worry if: He never takes any interest in your life or how your day has been.
7. He didn’t reply to your text: When it comes to communication, men are a bit crap. While you may respond to every text you get within five minutes, men tend to put their phones down, wander around, do something else and eventually respond at a later date. It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong, just give him 24 hours to get back to you. Don’t bombard him.
You should only worry if: He never makes the effort to respond to you. Then you need to start asking some questions.
6. He doesn’t want to hang out tonight: Occasionally men, like women, need alone time. If he passes up on an invitation to the cinema, give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he’s tired and just wants a little break and some breathing space. A small bit of time to yourself is actually healthy.
You should only worry if: He never wants to hang out with you or constantly turns down your invitations.
If he isn’t in the mood, it’s no reason to worry. Give him the benefit of the doubt
5. He has a LOT of porn on his computer: Men watch porn. In fact, the vast majority of men out there watch porn on a regular basis. It has got nothing to do with his relationship with you. It’s just a guy thing. Unless he starts badgering you to accept his porn addiction, it’s perfectly natural behaviour.
You should only worry if: He turns down having sex with you in order to watch something from his collection.
4. His bestie is a woman: There’s a theory that men and women can’t be friends. We firmly believe that this isn’t true. In most cases if your man’s BFF is a lady, it means that their relationship is more brotherly/sisterly and the truth is that the last thing he’d ever want to do is get sexually (or romantically) involved with her.
You should only worry if: You catch them in a non-platonic tryst or if their behaviour is way too flirty/sexual.
3. You’ve been dating for a while and he hasn’t introduced you to his friends/family yet: When it comes to family and friends, people can be a bit weird. If you haven’t been introduced to them yet, don’t panic. It’s highly unlikely that your man is embarrassed of you and in fact, he probably has a good reason for not introducing you. Maybe his mother is super-critical of all his girlfriends and he’s terrified she’ll offend you or maybe he just doesn’t get on with his parents. Who knows?
You should only panic if: You’ve been dating for a year and you still haven’t met any of his friends or family yet.
2. He rarely drops the ‘L’ word back when you tell him you love him: Some people are uncomfortable when it comes to expressing how it feels. Instead of looking for verbal confirmation, pay attention to his actions. If he genuinely loves you, you’ll be able to tell from how he acts to you.
You should only worry if: He has never uttered the word “love” around you.
1. He doesn’t want to have sex with you tonight: Is he stressed out at work? Has he been getting enough sleep lately? Is there something else bothering him? If he isn’t in the mood one night, it’s not your fault and in most cases it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Give him a break and let him have the night off.
You should only worry if: He constantly turns down your advances in the bedroom. Then it’s time to talk.
