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25th Jul 2023

‘My family are refusing to come to my wedding because of the rules I included on the invitation’


A woman has said her family are refusing to attend her wedding because of the rules she included on her invitations to guests.

She chose to take the route that many brides do and ask that children do not attend the wedding so that guests can let loose on the day.

However, her family’s situation doesn’t leave her brother with much of a choice but to bring his kids and the bride’s parents are siding with him.

She took to Reddit’s popular forum ‘AmITheAs*hole’ to ask the public if she is in the wrong to force him to leave the kids behind, or if it’s entirely reasonable – and the responses are very divided.

The woman explained: “I (32F) and my fiancé (30M) are getting married in three months. We’ve done some major and minor planning, including rules. We specifically want NO kids at the wedding. My brother (35M) and I have always been close we’ve gotten through a lot together, he has two amazing kids (2 and 3), i couldn’t be any happier to be their aunt.

“Their mother has had issues with substance abuse so she isn’t in their lives, my brother raises the kids by himself, which is convenient because he has an at home job. Me and my fiancé decided we did not want any kids at our wedding because we were going to be drinking, partying, and other stuff I personally wouldn’t want kids to be around.

She then said she has had struggles trying to have children, and recently had a devastating miscarriage. She said “of course my brother was there to comfort me but the sight of my nieces shattered me even more, I asked him to not bring them around me for a while.

“He didn’t respond to that well and stopped visiting me at all, he said via text messages ‘If your own nieces cannot come, neither will I’.

Sending the invites

This left her skeptical about her decision to exclude children from the wedding, but she said: “My fiance said it was okay to ask for no kids to be around, but my parents were frustrated. They also stopped visiting me. I eventually sent out invitations to all my loved ones, the card had all the details including the bolded “NO KIDS.”

The majority of her family was more than happy with the rules and didn’t have young kids to bring along with them anyway.

However, “my brother on the other hand was going to be in my wedding, but once he read the invitation he sent me a text stating, ‘Wouldn’t your nieces make great flower girls, going but dresses now,'” she wrote.

“I replied saying, ‘No need, they cannot come inside my wedding, no hard feelings.'” He then said, ‘It shouldn’t apply to them, they are family, what color should they get, blue or silver?’”

Her brother’s persistence led her to reply saying: “None, if you feel like you cannot be separated from your children for a couple of hours then you cannot come to my wedding, my rules are clear and final on the invitation.”

She went on to say that: “I blocked my brother after that. I have nonstop been getting text after text, call after call, begging me to talk to my brother and allow my nieces to come, my own parents have stated that until my nieces and brother are allowed at my wedding, they will not be there.”

People were left divided

The post has received hundreds of responses from people with very mixed opinions – some agree that she should be able to ask for no kids, and others have slammed her for her response to her brother.

One person wrote: “YTA, not for no kids, but for how you’ve communicated. I think a child free wedding would’ve gone down a lot better without the months of ignoring them before hand.

“I’m not sure if there’s missing details, but it felt like your communication style is really abrupt.”

Another wrote: “NTA as others have said having a a kid free wedding is your choice. However, I think your brother is seeing this as a continuation of your asking him not to bring your nieces over following the miscarriage.

“The two issues have been conflated, so it appears that you don’t want them around you at all. You need to have a conversation with your brother (and parents) that you love him and love your nieces and believe he’s an amazing parent.

“And you do want them around you. However, a kid free wedding had already been the decision prior to the miscarriage because you want the opportunity to celebrate with the wonderful adults in your life (like your brother).”

While a third added: “You’re very loudly and clearly saying that your wedding means more to you than a relationship with your brother and nieces.

“You may not feel like that, but it is the perception on their end and therefore it is the result.”