I haven’t always been the best LGBTQ+ ally – here’s how I’m trying to be better

Allyship: the state or condition of being an ally; supportive association with another person or group.

If you're a straight, cis-gendered person who supports equality for queer and trans people, you may consider yourself an LGBTQ+ ally. It's a label I would have always applied to myself - but I haven't always earn the right to call myself a good ally. While I never thought that having gay friends automatically granted me ally status, I haven't always understood that allyship is active and not passive. In the past, I've put my voice ahead of the voices of others and spoken up when I should have been listening instead. I've failed to recognise the nuances of the LGBTQ+ community and of its struggle. I haven't always spotted more subtle displays of homophobia and transphobia and I definitely haven't always called them out. What finally drove this home for me was the fight to repeal the 8th Amendment. I was annoyed when I knew that people privately supported the cause but didn't bother to get behind it in a meaningful way. I was also annoyed when people spoke about 'women' in a detached, patronising way throughout the debate. It made me realise that being well-intentioned just isn't enough when it comes to equality. In that vein I decided to ask LGBTQ+ people what they think makes a good ally. Here's a summary of what I heard back.  

Being open to being better

Recognising your privilege and realising that you don’t know everything. Checking your displays of allyship and who they are for – are you being 'woke' to look good?  

Educating yourself

And continuously educating yourself - not just on LGBTQ+ history but on ongoing issues that affect different members of the community here and abroad. Asking if you're not sure of something.  

Listening

Really hearing what LGBTQ+ people tell you and believing them when they say something is wrong.  

Not speaking for LGBTQ+ people

Putting a queer voice before yours when discussing the community, its history and experiences. The best allies don't hog the spotlight.

Me, when I see straight people publicly self-identifying as #lgbtally and talking over queer people pic.twitter.com/dPBXnoPKgr

— fatima (@JustDerby) June 25, 2019

 

Calling out homophobia and transphobia

Understanding that it’s not always overt and making sure not to stand for it in any capacity, even if it’s a throwaway comment or joke. The less 'serious' hatred seems, the more insidious it can actually be.  

Understanding that there are degrees of difference and privilege within the community.

Recognising that trans people and non-cisgendered people are especially marginalised and abused.  

Knowing that the LGBTQ+ community can’t do all of the heavy lifting by itself

AKA the entire point of being an ally. They need action, not sympathy.  

Not supporting businesses that don’t promote inclusivity or are 'cashing in' on Pride

Does the brand that's selling rainbow-themed everything this week actually support LGBTQ+ staff members causes throughout the year?

this pride month, remember to support queer artists instead of pinkwashing corps x pic.twitter.com/uRAiBIG1ml

— crashcantdraw (@crashcantdraw) June 23, 2019

 

Being an ally all year around

Not just during Pride.   These pointers are just the beginning. For more on how to be a better ally, start a conversation with an LGBTQ+ friend or colleague and go online. Searching the words 'LGBT ally' or 'allyship' on Twitter is a good way to start. If you have any of your own advice to add, please let me know - I'm [email protected]