One last couch day? Make the most of it!
While there are a certain number of folk out there who have to head back to reality today (and to you fallen Christmas comrades, we salute you), there are still some who have one last drop of seasons greetings to be wrung out of their time off.
You could spend the day getting your stuff ready for tomorrow or attempting to sort out the recycling or putting all the remaining sweets into one giant tin of CeleQualiRoses, but really we recommend you continue to vegetate on the couch and let tomorrow be Future You’s problem.
In the meantime, here are 5 movies to visually soundtrack your physical comatose state.
Flushed Away – 3E – 15.00
You’ve got a decision to make here, and this is Option One. An all-star voice-cast (Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslett, Bill Nighy, Andy Serkis, Ian McKellan) working together with the folks behind Wallace & Gromit and Chicken Run.
There are A LOT of poop jokes to be found here, but there is also a lot of heart and some very visually inventive animation. An underappreciated gem, a diamond in the pooey rough.
Superman – RTE 2 – 15.30
And here is Option Two, which is on at pretty much the exact same time. Brandon Routh, Dean Cain, Henry Cavill… nobody has been able to hold a candle to Christopher Reeve’s fantastic performance as the original Kal-El.
The wide-eyed, optimistic storytelling is mostly at odds with the dark ‘n’ dour approach of recent comic book movies, with only Wonder Woman finally figuring out that when it looks like the superhero is having fun, then maybe we will, too.
Battleship – Film4 – 18.25
Okay, cards on the table, this isn’t a good film. But it is a fun film. “Based” on the old school board-game in the same way that Titanic might be based on someone staying in the bathtub for too long, it took the entirely-legitimate-set-up of battleships shooting each other, and decided to add leapfrogging alien warships for some reason.
Thankfully, the impressive cast – Alexander Skarsgard, Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna, Jesse Plemons, Rami Malek, Peter MacNicol and Liam “I Will Eat ALL OF THE SCENERY” Neeson – all seem pretty much in on the joke.
White House Down – ITV2 – 21.00
Back in 2013, there was a Terrorists Take The White House face-off in the cinemas, with the down ‘n’ dirty Olympus Has Fallen featuring a brain-stabbing Gerard Butler fighting North Koreans and a low budget, while this one has Channing Tatum and President Jamie Foxx working with the director of Independence Day.
Stuff blows up real good, the two leads have great banter-y chemistry together, and the whole thing ticks along nicely as long as you don’t think too much about, y’know, the plot and stuff.
Wanted – ITV4 – 23.20
Bendy bullets, cars jumping on to trains, James McAvoy pulling more faces than one would have thought humanly possible, an early-in-his-career Chris Pratt as the shitty best mate, Morgan Freeman saying “motherfucker” in his best Sam Jackson impression, more bendy bullets, a plot that is a bit The Matrix but also a bit Star Wars (somehow), and Angelina Jolie going a long way to remind everyone that she really is one of the best action stars around.
There is a lot to process in Wanted, which is why it deserves a (re)watch if you haven’t already.