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01st Sep 2016

7 celebrities we’d like to sync our periods with

Ciara Knight

Periods, am I right?

They are quite literally a pain in the butt and essentially we all just need to be severely minded when they pull into town like an unwelcome family member who’s “just popping in”.

Everyone is guilty of fantasising about having a celebrity best friend every now and then. It’s completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of, unless your FCBF (fantasy celebrity best friend) is Katie Hopkins.

Here’s 7 celebrities we’d very much like to sync our periods with, and surf the red sea together.

1. Adele

LOS ANGELES, CA - AUGUST 05: Singer Adele performs on stage during her North American tour at Staples Center on August 5, 2016 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for BT PR)

Listen, it’s an emotional time when the red wedding is taking place, so you need the support of a friend who has experienced the heaviest of emotions in life. Adele would sing her sweet angelic music to reassure you that there is light at the end of this bloody tunnel and you will learn to love again, in roughly 3-5 days. She’s also a gas bitch and would definitely help you laugh the despair away together.


2. Jennifer Lawrence

LAS VEGAS, NV - APRIL 12: (L-R) Chairman of Sony Picture Entertainment Motion Pictures Group Tom Rothman, actress Jennifer Lawrence and actor Chris Pratt speak onstage during CinemaCon 2016 An Evening with Sony Pictures Entertainment: Celebrating the Summer of 2016 and Beyond at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace during CinemaCon, the official convention of the National Association of Theatre Owners, on April 12, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for CinemaCon)

She once said in an interview that she had a Plan B dress for the Golden Globes because her period always syncs up with awards season. The dress she went in the end for was loose at the front, so she could avoid having to suck in her uterus, which she wasn’t prepared to do. Jen just gets it. Her hilarious brutal honesty is something we all need during shark week.


3. Rachel Allen



Girl can bake. Alternatively, we would’ve said Mary Berry but as a colleague of mine delicately put: “Actually no, she’s definitely past it”. Rachel has the baking ability of a superhuman and by Christ do we need it when we’re surfing the crimson wave. She’d call over with cupcakes, brownies, cakes and a list of 13 other items we have forced her to bake us. Plus, it’s funny to hear her pronounce ‘oven’. Who the heck is Evan?


4. Dani From Fade Street



Sharing scandal and gossip is essential during your lady flu, and Dani seems to have an abundance of it. Her life exuded drama and we were all glued to our screens like the bloodthirsty yokes that we are. Imagine the tales she could tell, filling your emotional mind with salacious stories of lies, deceit, betrayal and misplaced Oxegen tickets.


5. Amy Schumer

SANTA MONICA, CA - JANUARY 17: Actress-writer Amy Schumer accepts Critics' Choice MVP Award onstage during the 21st Annual Critics' Choice Awards at Barker Hangar on January 17, 2016 in Santa Monica, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

She is too funny not to be around when you’re shopping for a blood diamond. Her humour would relieve any of the symptoms associated with periods, such as being a chronic bitch. Also, you could watch Inside Amy Schumer together, regularly applauding her efforts and saying ‘Omg so true, you are gas’, ‘How do you think of it’ and ‘No, I won’t unlock the door, you’re staying forever’.


6. Barb From Stranger Things



This latest internet obsession is everything that’s right with the world in 2k16. Everyone sees a little bit of themselves in Barb. Her whiney friend chose a bro over her and that’s a situation we’ve all been in at some stage. Barb is now dead, so syncing your period with a ghost would be pretty cool, along with all the spoooOOOooky ghost stories she could tell you to keep your mind off the massacre taking place downstairs.


7. Daniel O’Donnell 


The Star

To be honest, it feels like my period is already synced with Daniel’s. That day he posted a photo on Facebook with a tin of mackerel, I too was contemplating having mackerel for lunch. His music seems to be on a level where only I can understand the complexities of life that he is referring to. Lining the drawers together with wee Dan would be privilege and an honour that I promise to never take for granted.