Santa came last night.
And so did you, hopefully.
If you didn’t though, don’t worry, there’s still time to make sure that you sort yourself out with some holiday cheer (sex) this festive season.
Unfortunately for those of us who do not have signifiant others or people willing to have sex with us on the regular, the following list does require two people and, in most cases, a man and a woman.
Still though, if none of the above applies to you never fear because you can enjoy yourself by half-smiling at the names of some of these Santa themed sex positions.
1. Up the chimney
You’re on top, he’s on bottom, standard enough sex scenario except there’s an air of festive cheer about the place.
2. Ho ho ho
Reverse cowgirl but you’re wearing a Santa hat and signing Band Aid ’84.
3. Sleigh balls
A stunning amount of ball-play play goes down while you sit with your legs wrapped around him in a sloth-on-a-tree-like position.
As penetration occurs, a lot of slow rocking is happening – just as it would be if you were travelling in a real life sleigh.
4. Down the chimney
5. Checking it twice
Double penetration (may require the assistance of a third person).
6. Lugging the big sack
Face-sitting but he’s on top.
7. Dashlong through the snow
You’re on your elbows facing away from him. He’s got your legs hoisted around his waist akin to steering a sleigh.
He’s pounding into you until both of you are satisfied, or you get too uncomfortable and have to stop.
8. Lap dance land
Give a questionable lap dance before they tell you to stop because you’re embarrassing them even though nobody else is in the room.
Then have sex.
9. Naughty or nice
A third person ties you both up while nude. They leave the vicinity.
You then have a race against the clock to see who can untie themselves faster.
The winner, using an assortment of wet foodstuffs and fabrics that can pass as blindfolds, then provides the loser with an ‘either/or’ scenario of whatever they can and can’t do to the other person.
One of the options is naughty. One of them is nice.
The safe word is ‘Rudolph.’