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20th Sep 2018

How to let someone who’s being ‘a bit much’ know that you’re just not into them

Jade Hayden


Shift Happens


Look, we’ve all experienced rejection.

Whether through text or via carrier pigeon, having someone tell you they’re just not that into you is a fairly chronic feeling.

And although being on the other end of the sword (ie, the one doing the ‘Listen, I like you but..’) is definitely the more preferable position to be in, it’s still not an absolutely great scenario.

Hurting people’s feelings isn’t fun – unless they’ve hurt yours before – and letting someone down gently can sometimes be incredibly difficult.

So in order to make the worst job in the world go a little bit smoother, here’s a few things you can do that won’t involve tears*.


1. Lowkey ghost them 

Lowkey ghosting is not the same as regular ghosting and let us tell you why.

If you ghost someone, you just flat out ignore their messages until they eventually ‘get the message’ and leave you alone.

Ghosting, however, is very harsh and not a lot of people enjoy doing it.

Instead, if ignoring someone makes you feel mean and rude, just extend the amount of time you’ve been leaving between replies.

For example, if you usually reply immediately to this person’s texts, let them sit for an hour or so. After a few days, extend this time to a few hours, or even half a day.

There’s absolutely no guarantee here that the person will understand you’re not that into them, but they might catch on and realise that they should take a step back.

Or not, who knows?

2. Offer friendship instead of love

Yes, that does mean the FriendZone.

The FZ has got a bad name for itself over recent years, but you know what? Having friends is nice and cool and every single one of us would be lucky to have them.

If someone’s been lurking around you looking for some romance that you’ve no interest in, telling them you’d love to have them as a friend won’t be what they want to hear, but it’ll be something.

The risk here, however, is that being friends means you’ll ultimately be spending more time together meaning that their feelings may continue to grow and develop.

But the payoff could involve them getting the message and leaving you alone.

Worth the risk, maybe?

3. Inform a friend of theirs and get them to pass the message on

This may seem lazy and even a bit cowardly, but if the person who’s into you isn’t a close friend, then you won’t know the best way to let them down.

Someone who will possess this information is their friend.

The friend will know exactly what to say to make them feel as less shit as possible – and seeing as it’s coming from them (a reliable source) and not a stranger (some random lad who heard you giving out at the bar), they’re more likely to get the message.

4. Soft block 

Never heard of soft blocking? Then oh girl, you are in for a treat.

Blocking is, of course, the act of blocking a person on social media making them unable to view any of your accounts and content.

It is harsh and extreme but sometimes, it is necessary.

Soft blocking, on the other hand, is blocking a person on social media for just a minute and then unblocking them right away.

The result? The person no longer follows you, but they won’t be able to see that they’ve been blocked. It’ll just look like they accidentally unfollowed you themselves or something.

Will this stop them from just refollowing anyway? No.

But will it stop you from feeling guilty and looking like the bad guy? Always.

5. Just tell them you’ve no interest, for Christ sake 

The above suggestion is probably the least appealing but it’s pretty much guaranteed to work.

If you’ve ever been flat out rejected by someone, you’ll know just how horrendous it feels, but you’ll also know that that person saved you a whole load of grief.

Instead of pining over something that’s never going to happen, the rejected can now deal with their pain in an efficient manner and move on.

It hurts, but it’ll stop hurting soon. Just be sound about it. They’ll understand.

*None of the above suggestions are guaranteed to work.