There are a lot of things that are very unique about Irish people, but arguably the Irish phone conversation is just about as unique as you can get. Sure, we have a way of speaking to each other that is entirely Irish, but we also insist on including these nuggets throughout the phone call.
1. The Greeting
It doesn’t matter that we have the technologically advanced phones that we only dreamed about when we were younger, you will still insist on picking up the phone and answering “Hello?” to your mother in a tone that suggests you have never met her.
2. I don’t have time to talk but…
Then why the hell did you call me? And then continue the conversation for fifteen minutes!
3. Discover their whereabouts
So you are travelling in India but you still need to know where everyone else that you know is “Where are you?” Honestly, do you need to know that they just get home from work and are having dinner? Enthralling. If they are out and about with another friend, better again. “Do they know Mary from over the road? You know, she has that cat with the one eye that runs under cars? We went to school with her cousin who is working for Enda Kenny now…”
4. Asking how they are
This is usually the lead in for the rest of the conversation, but it is essential to establish the parameters of the conversation in this way. Most intend to go with “What’s the craic?” or “How’s it going?” If you live slightly more north, you may consider “How’s about you?”
5. Plans
It is always acceptable to ask “out tonight?” or “out this weekend?” as part of the conversation… depending on how bored you are.
6. Did you see…?
Did you see…? can refer to a range of things occurring on daily basis. “Did you see the state of your wan last night? Oh my god, she was binned.” Or “Did you see Eastenders last night?” This is always a standard inclusion.
7. Weather
No other country in the world likes to talk about the weather as much as we do and since it likes to vary from tropical sunshine in Cork to monsoons in Galway, the standard question always included is “What’s the weather like there?”
8. I forgot to tell you!
“Oh! I forgot to tell you! I ran into Eoin last night”. Well, no you didn’t forget to tell the other person. You had no intention of bringing it up in the conversation in the first place. You just got stuck for something to say.
9. How bad the hangover was
You wake up in a house on the other side of the city you live in, minus your purse, bag and keys and what’s the first thing you do? You ring your best mate to laugh about the fact that you woke up on the other side of the city minus your purse, bag and keys.
10. The Farewell
Bye bye bye bye bye byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye If you’re not saying bye at least 20 times at the end of the phone call, then you were raised somewhere outside of Ireland.
