It’s very likely that they will call him Emma.
Today, the bad boy of the Dáil will head over to America for a three-day visit. It’s been reported that he will visit Silicon Valley and New York.
However, this has since proven to be false, as the Taoiseach’s itinerary has leaked. Instead, it appears that Enda Kenny has quite an eventful couple of days in store.
As with any potentially fraudulent leaked information, we are taking the precautionary decision to believe it as 100% factual.
Wednesday 30th November
09:00 – 09:30 Breakfast and a cup of American milk
09:30 – 11:30 Ask Americans why they think Irish always say ‘Top of the morning to ya’
11:30 – 12:00 Practice American accent by doing prank calls
12:00 – 15:00 Do a few businessy things for photo opportunities
15:00 – 15:30 Late lunch, maybe try American McDonalds to see if the chips are saltier
15:30 – 18:00 Set aside time to write letter to Santa, must have Argos catalogue on hand
18:00 – 20:00 Put padlock on Golden Gate Bridge with Fionnuala then read her some poetry
20:00 – 22:00 Chill in the hotel for a while, room service, Matey bubble bath
22:00 – 23:00 Visit owl sanctuary, possibly called Hooters (?) enquire at reception
Thursday 1st December
09:00 – 09:30 Breakfast, see what waffles are like when not made from potato
09:30 – 11:30 Visit statue of liberty, take smug photo for Twitter
11:30 – 12:00 Hassle Obama until he agrees to have sleepover
12:00 – 14:00 Go to a baseball game, compare it to Hurling
14:00 – 15:30 Eat sweets for lunch, mostly M&Ms and other foods that are also available in Ireland
15:30 – 18:00 Take a big nap, dream about fiscal stability
18:00 – 20:00 Watch American telly, maybe Gossip Girl
20:00 – 22:00 Have dinner in Hooters again, double check for owls
22:00 – 23:00 Drink too many American beers such as Heineken, puke outside Empire State
Friday 2nd December
09:00 – 09:30 Breakfast
09:30 – 17:00 Go to Disneyland – main objective is to get photo with Mickey and Minnie
17:30 Airport and flight home, buy large Toblerone in Duty Free
