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01st Dec 2016

18 inappropriate thoughts everyone has while watching The Toy Show

More like the COY show, because the children are so shy.

The Toy Show is on tomorrow night and as a result, the Taoiseach has declared it a national holiday for all. Simply take the day off work and when your employer calls, tell them said it’s grand.

Everyone falls victim to having inappropriate thoughts during The Toy Show, mostly because it is 72 hours long and the mind naturally tends to wander.

Here’s 18 inappropriate thoughts you’re likely to encounter.

1. Honestly, gun to my head, I think I’d ride Ryan Tubridy.

2. I only watch this to confirm my suspicions that I never want to have kids. 

3. Culchies are just a different breed altogether.

4. Ungrateful rips in the audience not even smiling. Half of them RTÉ staff no doubt. Sly dogs.

5. I’d honest to God sell my Granny for a Toy Show ticket, maybe my Mam as well.

6. I’m cancelling my TV licence tomorrow, this isn’t worth it anymore.

7. Ryan is definitely out of his bin. You’d need to be, in fairness.

8. If the surprise guest is Jedward, I swear I’m going to throw this coffee table through the telly.

9. Hope these kids lose their lisps soon, it’s only cute up to a certain age.

10. I couldn’t watch this sober if I was paid €20 million. It’s just not worth it.

11. There won’t be a child born 9 months from now. The Toy Show is the most effective form of contraception available today.

12. You’d nearly blame the parents for these monsters they’ve created. Quick smack on the arse never did me any harm.

13. I kind of want a few children’s toys for Christmas now, or a bumper box of washing tablets would suffice.

14. I wasn’t half as annoying when I was a child. Just went about my business, no trouble to anyone.

15. That child is too smart for his own good, he’s peaking too soon and will be in rehab before he’s 20.

16. Some of these toys are a bit suspicious looking, have something similar above in the drawer I think.

17. Absolute gobshite in the audience dressed like a Christmas tree would she ever get a grip.

18. They should’ve made the theme THE WORLD HAS GONE TO SHIT, but yeah Beauty and the Beast is good too.