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09th Jul 2024

How to actually get out of a situationship, according to the experts

Niamh Ryan

We’ve all heard of the dreaded situationship

Some of us have even experienced it. Or chances are, you have been the shoulder to cry on when a friend has been going through it.

A situationship is a term used to describe relationships that have no real label, and it’s unclear where they’re going.

It can typically be very one-sided, with one person being more afraid of commitment and the other putting in a lot more effort.

Think Carrie and Big from Sex and the City – she remains obsessed with him even though he puts in very little effort and repeatedly shows her that he doesn’t care about her feelings.

But if we can recognise how poorly he treats her, why do we let the same thing happen to us in real life?

Why do we stay in a situationship?

Firstly, it’s important to address how we end up in a situationship in the first place.

Many experts say that a problem in general with modern dating is the illusion of choice.

According to the Thriving Center of Psychology, “Dating in today’s world feels more like a competition of who has the best-looking profile or most compelling description.

“At the same time, it can feel like it’s easier to be less attached.”

When people can swipe endlessly, they think there’s always another better option out there.

On the other hand, when we really like someone, we will do almost anything to keep them around. Even if it means sacrificing what we want.

So, we end up with one person caring too much and the other not caring enough.

How do we get out of a situationship?

The best way to solve the problem according to many experts is communication.

According to relationship coach Megan Sherer, you need to make your needs known.

“Let them know where you’re at and what it is that you actually want at this stage in your life from a relationship.”

While it can be frightening to confront them, it’s better to be clear than be led on.

Sherer says the next step is to set strict boundaries with them and with yourself.

“You have to be clear that their disinterest or inability to meet your needs means that they don’t get to have you in their life.”

She recommends saying: “I’m not interested in being an option in anyone’s life so I don’t want to pursue this with you anymore.”

So, if you tell them you want a real relationship but they continue to be vague about labels or don’t treat you with respect, you need to cut them out of your life.

If they can’t give a solid confirmation that they want the same thing, it’s time to move on.

We all deserve a fulfilling relationship, and it’s not fair to ourselves to put someone else before our needs.