What are attachment styles and how do they affect our relationships?

Attachment styles have a big impact on how our personal relationships work

When we become aware of our actions, it allows us to change our ways and makes it easier to deal with arguments and issues in a relationship.

Everyone has an attachment style, and it's important to address our attachment issues.

There are four attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganised, and secure.

Anxious

People with an anxious attachment style may have a negative view of themselves and lack self-esteem.

They often have a fear of abandonment, and will often go to great lengths to ensure their loved ones stay in their life.

This can be damaging when the other person doesn't feel the same way, and the relationship can be very one-sided and strained.

Avoidant

Those with an avoidant attachment style are typically viewed as the opposite of someone with an anxious attachment.

They may prefer to have independence and tend to avoid getting too close to anyone, but may drive themselves away from others.

Communicating will be hard for them and they may have difficulty expressing their feelings or don't want to express them.

Disorganised

This attachment style is viewed as a mix of anxious and avoidant attachment, with the person going between the two.

People may have difficulty trusting others but still require intimacy and close relationships.

Secure

The secure style of attachment is typically what people tend to aim for in a relationship.

People with this style have a positive self-image and don't seek validation from external sources or their partners.

They know how to regulate their emotions and communicate effectively.

How do you change your attachment style?

Inward reflection is always important, but is crucial if you want to improve your relationships.

According to Psychology Today, "You can assess your partner’s style by their behaviour and by their reaction to a direct request for more closeness.

"Does he or she try to meet your needs or become defensive and uncomfortable or accommodate you once and then return to distancing behaviour?

"Someone who is secure won’t play games, communicates well, and can compromise."

Experts say that the best way to address your attachment issues is by attending therapy, and regularly addressing your triggers.

If you're triggered by too much texting, communicate that with your partner.

If you don't feel appreciated in the relationship, tell them.

Most problems can be solved by communication, and attachment issues are the same.

This way, you can begin to form stronger bonds with your loved ones.

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