Sue McDermott is an incredible woman. Despite 150 rounds of chemotherapy, and battling cancer twice, she is a positive, upbeat woman who opened her heart to us to help support The Marie Keating Foundation.
Here, Sue shares her own experience of diagnosis, overcoming the bad days, and why she wanted to find the positives in sitting through chemotherapy.
So Sue, can you start by telling us about your story?
I’m 50 years of age this year in October. I was in the shower on a Saturday night when I found a lump. We were on our way to a party and I thought, “nah, it’s nothing”. Just to be on the safe side, I went to the doctor on the Monday morning, and the doctor thought it was just a cyst.
He gave me antibiotics but when it didn’t go away, he sent me up to St. James’ Hospital. It was a whirlwind after that.
I had an operation, an ultrasound, and it turned out it was breast cancer. The following week I had a lumpectomy, and the following week I had a partial mastectomy. When that healed up I started on the chemotherapy, which ended up being four rounds of chemotherapy and then 33 rounds of radiotherapy.
A shower changed my life. I went in, had a shower and came out to find my life had changed.
How did your family react when you had to sit them down and tell them you had cancer?
Well, I don’t have any children, but it was very difficult telling my husband. We were only married 12 weeks when I had to sit him down and tell him I had cancer. My husband’s last partner of 15 years, she had died from cancer, so that was probably the hardest thing for me – to tell John.
John had actually come with me for the results of the lumpectomy, and he said he knew by the way the doctor was talking, before the doctor had said it, that he knew I had cancer.
How did he react to the news? How did you feel when the doctor confirmed your cancer?
The very first thing I said when I found out was, “I’m sorry John”. We were only married 12 weeks, he’d buried his last partner and here he was again. I actually felt so sorry for John.
I have to say though, I never once thought that I wouldn’t survive. I didn’t even think about that, I was just thinking “Ok, I’m going to have to go through this, but I’ll be fine”.
That’s the way I always looked at it.
John I have to say, he’s not one to actually say how he feels although you know it’s affecting him. Like most men, he’s not great with his feelings, but he was just so supportive.
How did things change for you on a daily basis?
Well, straight away I was out of work. If you think about it on a whole, it gets overwhelming, but if you just go with it and take it as it comes, you can deal with it. I think that’s the best way – you deal with it as it happens.
What was the hardest part for you of going through cancer?
This is going to sound strange, losing my hair was probably more traumatic than any of the treatment, or having the mammogram. Before that you don’t have to tell people you have cancer. You can just be yourself, and you just have to tell people you want to tell.
But once you lose your hair, there’s a big sign written on your forehead, “I have cancer”. And you have no choice who knows. I can pick a wig out at 50 paces as this stage. The wigs are fantastic, they really are fantastic, but I hated mine.
I had a fantastic wig but I just felt so uncomfortable in it. Sweat running down the side of your face, so I just ended up wearing bandanas and leaving mine off.
There was obviously a massive change to your daily life overnight. How did you prepare yourself each day?
I used to just get up in the morning and take each day as it came. That said, if I washed the dishes and went for a small walk, I felt like I did something.
The first round of chemo wasn’t too bad ‘cause I used to get it every three weeks and I would be sick for about four or five days but it meant I had two good weeks.
I lost my hair after the very first round, so by the time I went for my second round I had lost all my hair. No eyebrows, no eye lashes, in fairness you save yourself a fortune on waxing!
But seriously, once the chemo stops, your hair comes back very quickly, it’s like light baby hair. But honestly, I think the losing of the hair is the most traumatic. When you get through that part, for me, it was the hardest hurdle.
What was your greatest support or comfort that you found during the time?
Well, my husband obviously. One or two really good friends who were there for me all the time, my sister and as I said, just trying to achieve something every single day. Like washing the dishes, or going for a walk. Just making sure I achieved something, ‘cause otherwise you’re just going to lie there and feel like you’re letting it win.
So how did you get involved as a volunteer with The Marie Keating Foundation?
Well, there was actually a book published called Look Good, Feel Good by Rhona Cullinan, and all the proceeds from the book went to The Marie Keating Foundation.
I was one of the models in the book, and they did a paragraph on me. Rhona did my make-up and showed me how to draw on my own eyebrows and eyelashes. They did the whole chapter in the book for cancer patients, and ‘cause of that I got to know the amount of work the guys in The Marie Keating Foundation do and I wanted to help support them.
They’re just such a brilliant organisation. They’re so different from other organisations looking after cancer patients ‘cause they’re trying to promote awareness before you get cancer, while the other ones are there when you have it.
They’re educational, they have their comfort fund for people who are struggling with the financial costs of their illness. They’re just an incredible organisation, and they have no funding from the government. All money is fundraised for their services.
I just think they’re brilliant and Linda [Keating] is just so passionate because she’s been through it with her mother.
Then my cancer came back, and I just really needed the support. It was a huge support to know I could just pick up the phone and talk to the girls.
How did you want to help?
Well I started collecting the stories from the people I met during chemo. I ended up having more than 150 chemo sessions in three years, and the one thing I found was there was very little positive stuff out there for cancer patients.
Like when you’re told you have cancer, you’re told, “ok, you have cancer, you’ll probably have an operation, you might have to have chemotherapy, you might need radiotherapy. You’re going to be sick, you won’t be able to work.”
It’s a whole life change, so what I did was look around me. I started going to the hospital for chemo every week, and what I felt was that lots of positive things were happening around me.
I saw life differently. I realised who my friends were, I realised what was really important and what I shouldn’t be worrying about.
The first person I asked was a gentleman, and I asked him had he changed anything positively since he started his chemo. He said yes, and I asked “what?” and he told me,
“I hug my kids. I never did that before.”
I just thought, wow, that’s fantastic and I asked him to write down how that happened. So I got about 30-40 stories from cancer patients, put it together in a book Thump The Lump, did all the fundraising and The Marie Keating Foundation were brilliant at supporting me along the way.
I had 10,000 copies published and they’re now given out free to cancer patients.
The Marie Keating Foundation did all the posting, all the delivering for me, and they just were always there with some encouragement or advice. They helped me speak to the doctors and nurses to make sure everything was right and got me talking to the people I needed to speak to before it was published.
They backed me, and I can’t tell you enough, they’re just SO supportive to people.
How was the foundation’s support different to friends or family?
I was really lucky to have great family and friends, but it was incredible to have the support of people who have been there and know exactly how you’re feeling.
Friends and family can sympathise, but they can’t empathise. The foundation can.
If you’re having a bad day, if you’re having problems money-wise… I really don’t know how I would have financially coped on my own without my husband. I went from working to not earning at all, and the Marie Keating Foundation support people who might not have that financial support with their Comfort Fund.
They’re someone to talk to, someone who can understand what you’re going through.
All the charities are worthy, but why do you want people to get behind The Marie Keating Foundation for part of Electric Ireland’s #PoweringKindness week?
Look, all the charities are excellent, but if you want people who have lived it, there’s no better place to turn to for support. Linda had the experience with her mother, while Liz had breast cancer.
And it’s not just a charity for breast cancer. They look after families, men and women affected by cancer, and they go into the schools to educate the children about what to look out for.
They create the awareness, on the ground. They want to step in before cancer takes hold.
Also, they do the ‘Survive and Thrive’ fashion show each October, where every model included are survivors of cancer. The whole audience are model’s friends, and the nurses and staff that keep everyone going while they’re fighting their own battle.
The atmosphere is electric. Each year I volunteer, but the first year I was a model. I swear to God, I was on a buzz for a week after it happened.
The confidence, the feeling you walk away with, the fact that some women in the audience are looking up during their own battles but see hope that they’ll be ok too. It’s an amazing event.
No other cancer society gives women a huge boost to their morale. It was incredible.
If you had to give one piece of advice to someone facing into their own battle, what would you say?
Enjoy every moment. Don’t just sit back and let it happen. Make sure to do something with your day.
Just keep talking to people, to other cancer patients and live your life.
I just think if you can try and keep up a positive attitude it’ll help. It’s not going to cure you, but it’s ok to have a bad day. Don’t put extra stress on yourself by ignoring your feelings, but try not to let it become habit. Don’t put pressure on yourself, just look after yourself and try take each day as it comes.
To get involved, tell us about your act of kindness on social media using #poweringkindness and tag @MarieKeating or go to www.poweringkindness.ie – make sure to include a photo or video of your kindness if you can. The charity with the most kindness done in their name will win the largest share of the €130,000 prizefund. Let’s work together to make sure it’s The Marie Keating Foundation. x
