Eleven Signs You’re At An Irish Christening

Babies are a beautiful thing. They’re sweet and adorable and you can play with them for a good hour before a nappy needs changing. But when it comes to an Irish christening, you need a wealth of patience to survive the white dress baby brigade. Heading along to your first affair? Here’s some of the top things to look out for.. Queue of Babies With every Irish christening there’s a queue of babies wearing white dresses. Parents are definitely comparing their offspring, and clearly their child is cutest. The Priest Forgets The Baby’s Name Holly? Hayley? Hannah?... If you walk out with the right name on the Baptism cert you’re doing well. The Screamer Good luck if you survive the christening without a migraine. There’s always one baby who decides to test their lungs for the entire service. And just wait until their head is lowered into the font… Blinded By The Lights Prepare for a million flashes and a line of camera phones. Then all the comparison shots of the same baby, from the same far-off distance at a skewed angle. “What A Gorgeous…” The awkward moment when the priest/ other parents can’t tell if they’re meant to be praising a boy or a girl. The unisex white dress isn’t helping either… One Godparent Is Always Late There was a family war and sideway glances when you said your best friend was taking on Godparent duties. Now she’s still “en route” to the church and everyone is discreetly checking their watch. The Begrudger They had dibs as Godparent and haven’t let you forget their many talents and qualities. They’re plotting ways to kill off competition, or be the ‘cool aunty’. Be afraid. Out Comes The Family Name There’s seven Seán/Ciaran/Cillians in your family and baby makes number 8. You wouldn’t mind but there’s a cousin about to pop and they’ll be landed with the same middle name. The tradition continues… There's also one family member who always has an opinion on the chosen name. Match Results It also seems like every Irish christening falls on match day. There is guaranteed to be one group of mass-goers sitting in the back pew huddled over a phone. Tea And Sandwiches When you finally make it to the afters you’re bombarded with tea, sandwiches and slices of cake. You now have a caffeine/baby balancing act routine to master. Get in there early though... nobody should hold a baby once the wine starts to flow... There’s Always One… Just make sure you're not it. Who has been ‘wetting the baby’s head’ since lunchtime. It’s now 5pm and they can’t stand. It looks like the baby isn’t the only one suffering reflux…