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Life

30th Apr 2016

10 invaluable things my most random jobs taught me about life

Sophie White

There are certain jobs that while we’re doing them, can seem a bit like life-sentences.

Working a job you hate is good. This is important to remember while attempting to struggle through life. After a job you hate whatever happens next career-wise kinda seems like a step up no matter what. This is a good strategy for getting through our working life and really once you’ve worked at McDonald’s the only way is up (unless your next job is Burger King)…

Here’re 10 invaluable things my most random jobs taught me about life

Beige pants (so tight and unflattering they gave me front and back camel toe), a navy aertex and baseball cap rarely look good on anybody

– McDonald’s May 2007-September 2007

via GIPHY

A job that requires full frontal nudity while staying completely still is potentially one of the most boring things you’ll ever do

– Artist’s model January 2008-March 2008

via GIPHY

Humans can be the absolute worst

– Retail November 2005-October 2006

via GIPHY

Never pick up a wicker bin full of sick, the wicker will act as a strainer for the sick leaking vom-juices out all over your shoes

– Hostel Cleaner, Temple Bar 1999-2000

via GIPHY

Never approach a sleeping stag party before noon

– Again Hostel Cleaner 1999-2000

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Never open a bottle of wine within 15 feet of someone wearing a white linen suit

– Waitress 2003-2007

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Never order the fish special at Brunch, that is likely one old, old fish

– Cook 2008-2012

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Don’t be mean to telemarket researchers, they are being held captive in a large cement building on the outskirts of humanity quickly losing the will to live, their souls being aggressively corroded with each passing hour by people screaming at them down the phone for asking a simple question like “Could I possibly take a few minutes of your time?”

– Telemarket researcher June 24th 2003 – June 27th 2003 (I told my supervisor I was going to the toilet and NEVER RETURNED. For months afterwards I answered the phone in the only accent I am able to do Billy Connolly voice.)

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When at the dogs, always tip the people taking the bets, they do get tips on winners and have usually got all kinds of scams running that they could let you in on

– Tote worker at The Dogs, October 2006- May 2007

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Never THINK while cleaning a public toilet

– Cleaner, 2007-2009

via GIPHY