“It’s All A Mistake, I’m Actually The Patrón Saint Of Ireland” – St. Patrick’s Diary Entry

Hey Gals, Absolutely chuffed to bits to be taking part in Her.ie's diary entry series. Really loved Leo's entry - what a champ! So, a bit about myself: I'm 1556 years old, big into the GAA and absolutely love a cheeky Nandos at the weekend. My days are mostly spent living with the paralysing fear that the snakes will once again return to Ireland and that little white lie I told in the past will come back to haunt me. It's time to come clean - I didn't banish the snakes from Ireland. It was a lie. I was trying to impress a girl on a night out and things got out of hand. She was a vulture, nothing I said could impress her. So I may have told a bit of a yarn, but little did I know it would get so out of hand. Christ above, it's all people talk about it. Another thing I'd like to clear up is this whole "Patron Saint" business. Folks, the history books are wrong and I'm using this platform to set the record straight. Back in the day, I was fond of a drink. It's not a crime and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I once drank Atilla The Hun under the table, trust me, he was no Hun when I was finished with him. Long story short, the lads gave me the nickname of 'Patrón Saint Of Ireland', mostly because I had a fondness for tequila at that time. Whatever gobshite was recounting my legacy for the Junior Cert history books forgot to add the fada in 'Patrón' and now here we are. I used to dread this day every year, but now I've learned to embrace it. It's a bit of craic and it doesn't do any harm. There's just one thing I can't enjoy - the parades. Lads, they're garbage. Every town in the country does their best but there's only one that's show on the telly for a reason. The Dublin parade always nails it, but when you go down the country, the parades ultimately end up being comprised of an out of tune bagpipe, the girl guides, six tractors tugging a trailer full of hay with a few lucky children perched on top of it, some terrifying looking army people and a few free bags of jellies being thrown around by someone's Dad dressed in a Barney costume. It's garbage. I've a few bits to get done today myself, the tap in the kitchen keeps leaking. I need to get a new nozzle or something so I'll probably head to the DIY shop. Hadn't the greatest experience in there the last time, I was looking for a new stick for herding sheep and not one of the workers could help me. Just can't get the staff these days! Right, I'm off. Enjoy the day, take it handy and for the love of Christ, give anyone that says "St. Patty's Day" an almighty clout on my behalf. Gobshites. All the best! St. Pat x