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Music

19th May 2013

Seven Steps to Glory – How to Ace Louis Walsh’s new Boyband Auditions

Follow in the footsteps of the greats...

Rebecca McKnight

Are you ready?

Westlife’s split left a giant hole in the hearts of Irish boyband fans, but it seems as though their successors are officially on the way. From today until Tuesday, Louis Walsh, the man behind Westlife and Boyzone, is holding auditions to put together the country’s next big thing in music. We cannot wait.

If you or someone you know might have what it takes, we’d love to help, so we’ve put together seven simple steps to nailing that audition. Good luck!

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You are not alone

Whereas the media thrives on reports of in-fighting when it comes to girl groups, no one likes it when it comes to the lads. So, it’s helpful if you instantly start referring to Mike/James/Paul/Whoever as your brothers from another mother with immediate effect, and throw in a few mentions of it all being fate too.

 

Perfect your ability to perch on a high stool 

It might sound easy, but please remember that you will need to be able to get up from the stool *exactly* in time with the key change, and move seamlessly into the air pull dance move. Speaking of…

 

 

Practise your dance moves

There are a few moves that are absolutely necessary. Outstretched hand moving to clenched fist and pulled slowly back to body is one such move. Work on this.

 

Wear it (a white suit) well

White suits are boyband gold, and you WILL be forced to wear one at some stage, so showing up to your audition in one will give you an automatic head start. You’re ready.

 

Hair it goes

Your hair will be your calling card for the next few years of your life, get used to it. The only exception is if you’ve ever shaved it or you possess a visible tattoo or piercing. In this case, you will immediately be labeled as the ‘bad boy’ of the group.

 

Up the front or back to back

Boyband members are not created equal. If you’re not singing the lead on the first two singles, you never will be. Accept upon attending that you will be one or the other, and if anything it increases your chances of making it in – you don’t even have to be a good singer for heaven’s sake! If you really can’t sing, style yourself as the bad boy going in (see previous point). The bad boy never gets a solo… unless it’s a form of God awful rapping.

 

All covered up 

Don’t bother coming in with your guitar and an original ode to your first heartbreak… no one cares. Everyone knows that boyband stars don’t play instruments – how could you master the dance routines otherwise? Stay safe and cover Barry Manilow, Billy Joel or Phil Collins… that’s what you’ll be singing for the rest of your career anyway, sure you might as well get a good head start. 

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