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18th Mar 2013

“Why Is The Room Still Spinning?” 10 Signs Your Hangover Is Really, Really Bad

If you have three or more of these signs, then you're allowed to moan and cry for the rest of the day.

Bad hangovers – we’ve all had them at some point in our lives and if you were out celebrating St. Paddy ridding Ireland of all the schnakes yesterday, chances are you’re feeling absolutely manky today.

However, the thing with hangovers is that there’s an unspoken measurement there. You’re not legitimately allowed to complain about one unless it ranks as a number five or higher on the ‘bad hangover’ scale.

How do you know when you honestly do have a really bad hangover? Here are the 10 signs of a rotten hangover (if you have three or more of these, you’re totally allowed to moan and cry for the rest of the day).

Everything hurts as soon as you sit up

1. Light hurts: The darkness has suddenly become your friend because it helps to calm the pounding in your head. If light hurts your eyes before you even open them, then your hangover is pretty bad.

2. You have the spins: Despite the fact that you stopped drinking hours ago, your room is still spinning and even the act of going to the bathroom becomes dangerous. Gravity suddenly hates you.

3. You have no cure: Your usual hangover-fixing breakfast of a hot chicken roll from the shop down the road does nothing for you, except make you violently ill.

4. Tablets don’t help: Even taking two tables for your headache makes you violently ill.

5. Social networking, as if: You’re not even able to pick up your phone and untag yourself in those embarrassing pictures from last night, you know you’re not well.

Even the ticking of a clock makes your head hurt

6. You hate clocks: Even the noise of the clock ticking in the hallway is aggravating your headache and making you feel so much worse.

7. You want to be alone: You don’t want sympathy, you don’t want hugs, you just want everyone to leave you alone so you can curl up into the foetal position and cry to yourself.

8. Simple tasks are hard: Putting on pants requires too much effort and shoes with laces are just a no-go. You can’t even walk to the kitchen to get yourself some water.

9. Movement isn’t happening: You can’t even flip yourself over in the bed, let alone bend ever-so-slightly to pick your phone/drink up off the ground.

No amount of toothpaste can get rid of the taste of vodka. Ew.

10. Your mouth feels icky: No matter how many times you brush your teeth you can still taste the vodka/wine from the night before. There’s a good chance that you’re still more alcohol than human.