Ah, God love them.
The pain of drinking inferior champagne, not being handed luxury gadgets for free, being in demand for interviews and risking your brand new trainers in a messy club – all big bugbears if you happen to be a top class DJ.
As least, that’s what seems to be the case if one of our new favourite Twitter accounts is anything to go by. @DJsComplaining have retweeted just over 50 whinges from high-profile music makers but already boast over 42,000 followers.
Have a flick through the gallery above to get a better sense of how very tough life is as a DJ – not really, obviously.
That said, we do have some sympathy, not for these overpaid moaners, but the poor fella or lass who gets landed playing tunes in our local on Saturday night, and we’d like to remind you of the golden rules for when you’re talking to DJs. They’re floating around the Internet for a fair few years now, but they’re no less true.
You’ll forget all of this on Saturday night, needless to say, but in the meantime it’s good for a laugh, and figuring out just how many of these you’ve been guilty of in the past…
TEN GOLDEN RULES: THE THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A DJ
1. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD…SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO!
The DJ has to play for more than one person, so what you hate may be another’s favorite song and EVERYTHING can be danced to one way or another. Cop on.
2. WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A “BEAT”!
Can you please name one song that exists *without* a beat? Cop on. Again.
3. I DON’T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON’T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG, BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS….
Don’t sing. Just don’t.
4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT !
Oh, sure… you polled everyone in the club and, as their spokesperson, you’re requesting the song. Nice work.
5. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE IF YOU PLAY IT !
The DJ won’t. Your theory is void.
6. I CAN GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT!
Why settle for one night? Buy the album and get laid for a whole month!
7. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT!
The ONLY people who can get away with that statement are the ones who PAY the DJ. That’s it.
8. WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
Please stand here while the DJ prepares a list of several thousand songs to rattle off for you. See earlier advice, cop on.
9. HEY, MAN, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS!
Even if there’s only ONE person on the floor, you’re wrong.
10. PLAY IT SOON, BECAUSE WE’RE LEAVING!
Natural reaction to that would be to not play your song until the very end, and keep the punters there longer. Once final time – cop on.
Dog DJ is Not Impressed… cop on.
