Virgin Mary’s Diary Entry – Day 264 Of Pregnancy

Dear Diary, I am livid. Joseph has been reading my diary. I'm fully sure because I read the confession in his diary. I talked to God about it and he offered to do couples counselling with us. Eh... NO! Imagine how awkward would that be? The main issue for me is that I can't really trust Joseph at the moment. He literally went into my area of our marital shack, rooted through my three belongings and found my diary. I confronted him and he swore it would never happen again, apparently it was my "being secretive" that made him do it. I'm grateful that he had the faith to believe that I was impregnated by an all-powerful magic man in the sky, but trust is a two-way street and I just can't trust that he won't go through my things again. JOSEPH IF YOU'RE READING THIS - STOP IT IMMEDIATELY! I'm still very pregnant at the moment, surprise-surprise. I've been getting the weirdest cravings which, in fairness, Joseph has been tending to. Last night I made him ride the camel all the way to Clonakilty for some black pudding. It was SENSATIONAL. I regret nothing. Joseph keeps trying to get me to eat quinoa salads, but he can get in the sea (of Galilee) if he thinks that's happening. There was a lot of temptation around at the weekend with all the Christmas parties and festivities (by the way, what's Christmas?). I was hanging for a glass of Prosecco but knew I'd be caught rotten if I even had a sniff of it. That's the trouble when your baby's father sees literally everything! I'm so sick of water though, wish someone would come along and turn it into wine. LOL ;) Four men are writing a biography about God at the moment, they keeping asking me loads of questions about everything. I'm only giving birth to his prodigal son, leave me out of it guys! Apparently it's going to be the best-selling book in the world one day, they're even going to put a copy in every hotel room - I'll believe it when I see it! The due date is scarily close, but I'm doing my best to stay calm and relaxed. As long as the birthing plan works out, I'll be happy. Anyway, I'm exhausted so I'll leave you go! Talk soon, Mary x    

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