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02nd Feb 2013

Vanishing Act: How To Cope When He Randomly Disappears From Your Life

Girl meets boy. Girl and boy have the craic together. Boy suddenly dissapears without a trace. Here's how to cope when he pulls the vanishing act...


Imagine the following: you meet a gorgeous guy who you’re convinced is perfect for you. You swap numbers, you go on a date, you have a cheeky kiss. You meet up a few more times. Things are going well. Then, all of a sudden, he vanishes into thin air.

For whatever reason, this is a common occurence in the world of dating and nothing is harder on your heart or your confidence than when a man pulls the disappearing act. One minute you’re blissfully happy and then you’re left with nothing. There’s no explanation, no closure and you’re left trying to fill in the blanks when it comes to what happened.

So how do you deal with a man who has pulled the disappearing act? Here are a few tips to help you cope…


Sometimes it’s best to cut your losses and move on

Resist the temptation to contact him: This is probably the biggest challenge when it comes to dealing with a vanishing man. Once you’ve figured out that he is, actually, alive and well resist the urge to ring him or text him. We know it sounds harsh but if he’s pulled the vanishing act, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever hear from him again. Don’t chase after him. Don’t bombard him with calls/texts/emails. This will only frustrate and depress you even more and give him another chance to let you down.

We’ll put it to you in the following way: if he was too cowardly to end things properly with you in the first place, no declaration of your hurt or confusion will make him change his mind or his (obviously bad) manners.

Try not to take it personally: This is harder than it sounds because if he’s ditched you completely out of the blue, your first reaction will most likely be to ask yourself what YOU did wrong. Try to see things from a different perspective.

Honestly? This had nothing to do with you. If you believed he was having a great time with you and if he was acting like things were fine, how were you to know if he wasn’t happy or uninterested?

Here is a simple life truth: grown men will communicate an ending with your if things aren’t going well. If he doesn’t bother to tell you that he’s finished with you,  then he’s immature and probably has his own issues that you don’t know about. Stop blaming yourself and move on, you’ll be much happier.

Remember that you deserve respect, no matter what: Feeling rejected when someone vanishes from your life is completely natural but it’s important to remember grown men should treat you with more respect.

 Treating another person with such a lack of respect signifies a major character flaw and hopefully that will give you the closure that you need.

And hey, you could always look at it this way: at least now you’re one step closer to finding someone who will appreciate you for who you are and stick around no matter what happens.