Relationships, and feelings, are a complicated game.
Between knowing your own heart and mind, and trying to protect another person’s feelings, it can be hard when your relationship hits a rough patch to know how to react.
Feeling tired of trying to work things out can cause a lot of stress, but it could be the signs that you haven’t talked yourself through the three stages that matter most in making a decision about your long-term plans with that partner.
Marriage therapist Linda Carroll shares her three most important considerations she advises all couples to think through before calling time on their commitment:
Step away from your initial reaction
When you’re feeling hurt and fragile, it’s completely normal to want to take yourself out of the situation.
Instead of breaking up with that person, Carroll suggests taking time away from them to let yourself heal. If after that time you’re still feeling angry and resentful, it might be time to take stock of the situation.
Talk to the right people
Looking for advice is a natural part in any decision making process – but Carroll recommends taking your time to find the right confidante:
“Often, the people who love you the most will see only your side of things, which may make you feel good and righteous but won’t shed new light on where you are now in life and what you need to do next.”
Instead opt for a third party you can trust, but has no vested interest in the outcome. Whether that’s a counsellor, a mentor, or somebody whose relationships you respect.
It might not be the easiest conversation to start, but hearing an honest, open answer could be the clarity you need in a tough situation.
Don’t try to be ‘nice’
If you feel like you’re staying with someone out of gratitude, memories or duty, Carroll points out that the prolonged relationship will hurt more in the long-run when the other half has developed a deeper connection.
Respect the person to realise ‘being nice’ is breaking-up with them respectfully, face-to-face.
A phone call, text message or social media network are never acceptable ways to call time on any coupledom.
It’s never an easy decision to make, but Carroll points to taking the time to analyse from afar, before cutting any ties.
